Mae writes:

Subject: Desperately seeking answers

My guy and I have been together for 3 years. He is divorced. They were in several business ventures together prior to divorce. Yes, they are still business partners. She knows about me and we are cordial with each other. They have a 10 year old daughter and the daughter adores me as I her. When it’s my guys turn to have his daughter, he picks her up and the first thing she wants to do is to come to my house and stay over so they do. My guy and I do not sleep together when his daughter is around. Business started getting bad and my guy started getting into real financial binds. I don’t have money, but I helped him out best I could (cooking for him to make sure he ate and occasionally giving him household stuff. I must say, he has never asked me for anything. I even offered that he could give up his apartment and move in with me if he wanted to. He said no because he did not want to jeopardize our relationship and he had to maintain his independence.

Well, it started getting so bad for him….all the way around that his financials got worse (business and personal)…his ex-wife approached him and said that her mom (his ex-mom in-law) was more than willing to help him out – a loan….she’s loaded! First couple of times he said no and scraped it up elsewhere. Then he finally had to “borrow” from her. The ex mom-in-law is also responsible for her deceased daughter’s 2 kids – girl 12, boy 14. The boy is very rebellious and gets into trouble a lot. He has run away a couple of times. Well then the ex-wife and the ex-mom in law started calling my guy, all stressed out…they can’t do anything with the boy. In the mean time my guy’s daughter starts having trouble in school….academic not behavioral. Now my guy is being pulled back into that situation in order to help out with the nephew and with his own daughter.

They were going to send the boy to live with another grandfather in another city so the ex mom-in law says to my guy, “if you go with me to take him, you wont have to pay back the money that you owe me”. Now get this, my guy is considering it. Here is another one, his daughter is off –track so she is out of school for a month. The ex wife tells him that they (the 2 of them) need to spend more time with the daughter as a family before she goes back to school. She has some business deals in the works so if they go through she will have the money.

She has talked him into taking the daughter on a mini vacation…out of town; He does not see anything wrong with it. I told him that divorced people do not take vacations together when one of them is in another committed relationship. He said yes they do when there are no feelings there for the other person. I could not believe what I was hearing. He did not understand and said that I was being emotional when I said to him, “how do you think that makes me feel?’ “not to mention the mixed message and false hope that you are sending to your daughter that her parents are still together or are getting back together”. He says to me that he loves me, that he and his ex are not getting back together and that his daughter knows that it won’t happen.

About a week later, the ex called him and said that her electricity got shut off in her place and that she and the daughter were in the dark and cold and could she come stay with him. He asked why she couldn’t just bring the daughter to him and that she should go to her mom. She said that she and her mom were not on good terms at the moment. So he said ok….When he called to tell me about it, I went off and told him that she knows his daughter is his world and she used the daughter to get to him. We bantered back and forth until he finally told her that she could stay one night and that he was leaving to come to my house for the night and that’s what he did. The next day morning she was still there and stayed most of the afternoon….sleeping….not feeling well. He was not there. I told him that she has an agenda to get him back, he says no

What should I do? I know he loves me and I love him. My concern is, is this the start of an agenda that the ex and her mom are putting together? What comes after this? What’s next?

Should I let it ride or should I just walk away now?

Am I being unreasonable?

Desperately seeking advice!