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Robert Crane - EzineArticles.com Expert Author
Robert “Cranelegs” Crane is a true product of the Sixties. Raised in a wacky family on a sleepy street in one of the many bedroom communities dotting Essex County, New Jersey, Bob honed his humor and wit to survive the gauntlet of school bullies, rejected romances, and thirty years in corporate lockdown. Freed by a layoff, he turned humor writer. After two successful years of blogging over eight hundred posts and completing over sixty ... [More]
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Robert Crane Email Alerts
- On Torture
[News-and-Society:Pure-Opinion] Any democracy that employs acts of torture to purportedly protect its freedoms immediately diminishes its moral imperative, and therefore, all indulgences in such must be eliminated as a matter of ethical principle. If all I have is 24 hours to stop the certainty of a heinous act against innocents and I have an identified perpetrator in my clutches, I would use any means necessary, no matter how distasteful or perverse in any other circumstance, to obtain information that might derail the inevitable, even if I fail in so doing. Two seemingly conflicting beliefs.
- From Blog to Blook Through CreateSpace
[Writing-and-Speaking:Publishing] So you want to publish a book. Do you have a blog? Have you had your blog for some time? Have you been writing posts like there's no tomorrow (or day after anyway)? Then why not convert the blog into a blook? And why not use CreateSpace to self publish it.
- Alaska Annie Oakley
[News-and-Society:Politics] One speech and Sarah Palin is Margaret Thatcher eye candy already, or so the claim of some GOP faithfuls. Even rock star Barack's climb to celeb pales to this new meteoric phenom. And it hasn't even been a week yet, since we were all clamoring to pronounce her name correctly.
- The Brilliant Rejection Dating Maneuver
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] Men ... it's all about managing rejection -- cold, heart-piercing rejection. If you have had your fill of it or if you have a teenage son about to dive into the seamy underbelly of the chase, here is a sure fire dating maneuver guaranteed to overcome rejection by embracing rejection. It is simply called, "The Rejection Dating Maneuver".
- September 11th, 2001 - A Troubling Metaphor
[News-and-Society] At the time I watched the towers crumple from the sudden strike of the previously unimagined, I did not realize I was watching a metaphor for the great promise their soaring human achievement beaconed to the world. It is five years later, and I see the vast optimism our nation once promised the world at the tipping point.
- Dubya Talks Turkey
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] As part of Cranelegs' never ending search for the truth about the world around us, I was able to get a few unprecedented moments with President Bush—alone. I got right to the questions you have on your minds and heard first-hand from the leader of the free world. I think you'll find the President's frankness and openness refreshing during this no-holds-barred interview.
- The Stars Tell Why They Apply "Head On" To Their Foreheads!
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] We've all heard it. We've all marveled. We've all shook our heads asking, "what the hell was that." I'm talking about that great "Head On" commercial that is currently flooding cable TV. Well, if you are inquisitive, search no more. You've come to the right place for an answer.
- Disease of Fear, Disease of Hate, and Human WMDs
[News-and-Society] On the heels of President Bush's recent press conference, during which he hoisted the Republican 2006 national campaign flag of fear, Curt Weldon, a House Rep from Pennsylvania—a state that is the political equivalent of Sybil—summed it all up very neatly. He boldly stated, if we leave Iraq now, we'll be fighting the terrorists in our grocery stores and streets.
Oh, really?
- One Man's Porn is Not Another Woman's Erotica
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] I love word derivation, especially the fabricated kind. Erotica comes from the Greek "Eros," the God of Love. Porn comes from the Greek "Porne," the largest chariot parts distributor in Athens. The former is about hearts and the latter about parts. This is the difference between women and men, hearts versus parts.
- Cell Phones
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] Is it asking too much to have a cell phone that does one thing well? For instance, act like a phone.
- The Nine Lives Generation
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] I was watching another depressing segment on some all-news channel when the subject of milk came up. If you haven’t heard, milk is poison. That’s it. I really should be dead by now.
- Sean Insannity and Rick Insantorum
[News-and-Society:Politics] WMDs have finally been located. They might be pre-desertstorm but located nonetheless!
- al-Zarqawi and al-Coulter
[News-and-Society] One's a psychopath, the other a sociopath. One's life is over, hopefully the other's career is over.
- The Marriage Protection Amendment
[News-and-Society:Politics] Republicans and Democrats alike are spineless when it comes to doing the right thing!
- Cranelegs Movie Review: "The Da Vinci Code"
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Movies-TV] I gave it a rating of 'one-an-a-half eyes open'; not bad considering it was headed for 'two eyes shut' about thirty minutes in.
- Hail the Sultan of Submissions, Lance Winslow!
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] I tip my mouse to the Grand Pooh-Bah of Punditry! How does he do it?
- Cranelegs Top Ten Reasons Why We Are Doomed
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] I can't take it any more. I've gotta find me a cave and fast. I think the end is near and here's why.
- Some Thoughts on "Flight 93"
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Movies-TV] Based on the trailers, I have no intention of seeing the movie, but not for the usual reasons.
- The "Renewable is Doable" Challenge
[News-and-Society] We have heard all the typical election year do nothing talk about the growing energy crisis. I have a simple solution that makes sense and can challenge us in ways we need to be engaged.
- Unholy Alliance, Stern and Imus, Keep Rich Tenant Doors Open
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] In a last minute plea by Howard Stern and Don Imus—arch shock jock enemies by day, civic watchdogs by night—New York City's Mayor Bloomberg was moved to avert a doorman strike that potentially could have killed thousands of the Big Apple's wealthiest tenants.
- The Cranelegs Five Second / One Year Plan to Lasting Relationships
[Relationships] Who needs loud mouth Dr. Phil? Such insight into obtaining this most elusive of life's simple pleasures hasn’t been shared since Dr. Ruth endorsed the Eroscillator 2.
- 12,000,000 Illegal Aliens! When Did That Happen?
[News-and-Society:Politics] The next time I hear some congress person or some senator or some loud mouth talk radio moron express outrage about the 12,000,000 undocumented/illegal aliens we have in this country, I think I'll shove a red hot poker in my eye or push a cattle prod through my ears.
- Eighteen "Do Nots" For Your Next Job Interview
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] Regarding job interviews, I have asked it all, heard it all, answered it all, and seen it all. It is from this wealth of experience that I have culled eighteen must ‘Do Nots’ to share with you. You can thank me later.
- One Question to the Nation
[News-and-Society:Politics] It's time to ask our President what former New York mayor Ed Koch once asked himself.
- Value Voters' Contract with Congress
[News-and-Society:Religion] Christians apparently are under attack these days—well those Christians who have aligned the bible with neo-conservatism anyway. And they are fighting mad. At least those who decided it was time to draw up a contract to address their concerns.
- Balancing Good and Bad News from Iraq
[News-and-Society] What does that mean? Have a suicide bomb clip followed by a new school opening? Sounds good doesn’t it? But what does it really mean? Laura Ingram seems to know.
- My Apologies To All Pregnant Women
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] After twenty one years of torment, I need to tell my story, ask your forgiveness and hope that other men will learn from my folly.
- Bad Movies and Those Who Make them
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Movies-TV] You know the ones I'm talking about. They put you to sleep faster than a mouth full of Ambien.
- Mr. President, It's Not Because Of What We See On TV!
[News-and-Society] In the final throes of a war gone terribly off course, historically it has been useful to blame the media. But it doesn't work in the long run.
- Was Natalee Holloway Abducted by Aliens?
[News-and-Society] If the article title upsets you, good! It is supposed to! There is hope that I am not alone. If it doesn’t disturb you and you are actually hoping to learn something or you happen to be one of those "alien abduction" types, stop reading now. In fact, stop reading period!
- The Sad Truth About the Most Viewed Ezine Articles
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] So you want to increase your readership. Well if the top thirty viewed articles are any hint of popular subject matter, you had better learn to write about hair; specifically ingrown pubic hair!
- Why Do I Laugh At Sicko Stuff?
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] I find myself laughing sometimes at the most inappropriate stuff. It's time for a little reflection.
- Now It's Eight Simple Lessons for Unpublished Writers
[Writing-and-Speaking:Publishing] Recently updated! Now it's eight lessons that you haven't heard before from someone who knows, someone who walks in your shoes (well not literally).
- Any Port in a Political Storm
[News-and-Society:Politics] If the U.S. Port/Dubai debacle proves one thing, politicians sure do the oddest things, none attributable to common sense.
- A Middle East Vision Through Cataract Eyes
[News-and-Society:Politics] President Bush once again proclaimed his vision of 'Freedom on the March' to another hand picked audience—this one being an American Legion gathering. And for all his efforts, he received a polite, lukewarm response at best—a sure sign his message is tiring, even amidst his staunchest pockets of support.
Deservedly so.
- Sex Ed in the Sixties
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] It was a hit or miss operation that included Mud Finnegan jokes, Health Class generic anatomy charts, Playboy, French playing cards and "the talk". Somehow I learned something.
- Talking Points, Talking Heads, Talking Trash
[News-and-Society:Politics] Talking points are propaganda pure and simple, and we soak up the lackey leakage like an extra absorbant Depends pad.
- Cheney is No Straight Shooter
[News-and-Society:Politics] If Cheney has managed to do one thing, he has finally proven he is not a straight shooter!
- The First Kiss
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] As much as I torture myself about how I would have relived the Sixties differently knowing what I know now, I must admit that being a dweeb had its occasional upside. For instance, it allowed me to be in a place where something as innocent as a first kiss could reach the spiritual heights it scaled.
- A Conversation with my Dog
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] First God, now my dog. Is there no end to the madness? Actually, my dog made a lot of sense.
- Some Thoughts on the Super Bowl
[Recreation-and-Sports:Football] This is one true fan who thinks it's time to return the Super Bowl back to the players and those who love the game.
- A Funny Conversation with that Kooky Intelligent Designer
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] Yup. The big guy paid me a visit a few nights ago to clear a few things up. I'll tell you, he might be smart but he is one nutty guy. He wants me to take a message to John Roberts of all people.
- How Rush Limbaugh Supports the Troops
[News-and-Society:Military] That Rush Limbaugh, what a guy! What an American patriot. When he says “support the troops”, he means it. In fact, he supports them so much, he’s developed a program to give troops one year complimentary 7/24 passes to his website through his bighearted program, “Adopt a Soldier Today”. Here’s how Rush’s idea of philanthropy works.
- Infomercials: Long on Info, Short on Facts
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] Love dem infomercials, especially the ones formatted like "Meet the Press". I'm infinitely intrigued by the gullibility of the American consumer. Actually, come to think of it, I probably need to get out more.
- Sammy "The Dull" Alito
[News-and-Society:Politics] This is one Lib who wishes Samuel Alito well as he carries out the duties of a Supreme court Justice.
- The American People want blah, blah, blah
[News-and-Society:Politics] I don't know about you but I'm tired of being told what the American People want. I think there is only one thing Americans want and that is to make it a crime for one to claim he/she knows what Americans want. And even that statement may not be true.
- "Hostel" Hostility - A Movie Review
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Movies-TV] If you have any thoughts of seeing the movie "Hostel", you just might want to read this first. Or if you saw the movie and find yourself asking "what the hell was that", you might want to read this too.
- The "Alternating Traffic Merge" Amendment to the Constitution
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] Outraged citizens throughout this great land of ours, unite behind the "Alternating Traffic Merge" Amendment to the Constitution. We need to remove these scoundrels and return civility to our highways.
- Who's Stronger in National Security: Republicans or Democrats?
[News-and-Society:Politics] The answer is in the question itself.
- Forget Wiretapping - It's Time For Bold Action
[News-and-Society:Politics] If you think unauthorized wiretapping deters terrorism, wait till you get a load of this bold idea.
- Some Thoughts on Howard Stern
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Movies-TV] Amidst all the hoopla of Howard's launch into satellite radio, it is time to reflect about the King of all Media.
- Almost the Whole Truth and Nothing but Almost the Truth, So help me God
[News-and-Society:Politics] Whether it's intelligence or truth, Dubya doesn't like to share "all" of it, just some of it.
- Surviving the Road to Feminism: A Male Chauvinist's Story of Change
[News-and-Society] It wasn't easy. It wasn't fun. It wasn't even fair. But I've emerged a better man or a better person or a better something. I think. Well maybe not better. I've emerged ... we'll leave it at that.
- Iraq: A Jigsaw Puzzle Without A Picture
[News-and-Society:Politics] Have you ever tried to do a jigsaw puzzle without a picture? Never right? Well, that's exactly what I believe we are doing in Iraq. Representative Murtha seems to be the only one who sees that.
- Same Old, Same Old
[News-and-Society:Politics] I'm getting pretty tired of President Bush's propensity to repackage the same old rhetoric and preach it to the choir.
Why don't we let the Iraqis speak for themselves.
- I'm Pretty Sure God is a Male Chauvinist
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] I guess being a male, this is a good thing! But quite frankly I find the whole thing troubling.
- Rules Rules Rules
[Arts-and-Entertainment] I have just about had it with rules. They're no stinkin' good anyway! This article is about how I came to that conclusion.
- Senator Rick Insanetorum
[News-and-Society:Politics] What can I say? The title says it all. This is the story of how I came to that lowly opinion.
- If Only I Could Be An Earthworm
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] Feminists can sometimes be their own worst enemy. Admittedly, I am just a lowly male making this observation. But I don't know, there are a few things that confuse me. Think of this article as opening the door for discussion.
- Not So Intelligent Design
[Arts-and-Entertainment:Humor] I finally have taken the time to see what all this Intelligent Design talk is all about. I have to admit, I feel really stupid, proving that intelligence was not part of the big plan.
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