"To listen well, is as powerful a means of influence as talking well, and is as essential to all true conversation." - Chinese Proverb
Has anyone ever said to you, "you haven't heard a word I'm saying?"
* Are you so committed to your point of view that you just can't wait for your turn to talk?
* Do you listen to understand what the other person is saying or to disprove him/her?
* Do you find yourself making up arguments instead of focusing on what the other person has to say?
* As you're reading these bullet points are you thinking: that's what the other person is doing, not me?
You Lose Them...
* When your mind is filled with the chatter of "they're so wrong," You will miss out on important insights
and opportunities to reach mutual purpose.
* When you are not in a frame of mind to acknowledge what is true in the other person's point of view.
* When it's more important for you to win then to find a resolution.
Check Your Internal Dialogue First
(Clear Out Your Assumptions)
* Be honest about what you really want from the conversation.
* You have blind spots. The only way to pull up the shade on these, is to acknowledge that we all have
personal biases, beliefs, attitudes and values which deeply shade our perception.
* Are you engaging in either/or thinking?
* Are you past the point of listening and in a reactionary mode?
* Do you really want to advance shared understanding?
* Get your motive straight -- do you want to resolve a situation or prove you're right?
Do You Have the Facts?
* How are your opinions and feelings influencing the facts?
* How is the other person seeing the same facts? Are you seeing them as negative and is the other
person seeing them as positive?
TIPS
1. People go to silence when they feel unsafe. Address concerns by making clear statements of what you want and don't want: "I do not want to upset you." "I do respect your opinion." "I want to reach an understanding with you."
2. Make your intention about caring that both of you can expand outside tightly held positions and arrive at mutual benefits, by examining and appreciating alternate points of view.
Why Bother?
1. It will improve your health and well being
2. It will improve your relationships
3. It will enhance your job performance
4. It will positively change the work environment
Remember, we interpret what we see and hear. We react to the feelings from these thoughts. We are always in charge to change behavior.
About this Author
Flo Mauri, Career and Expansion Coach, has been helping new managers and emerging leaders to master their situations and reach their desired outcomes since 2003. Flo also works with multicultural business women to help them achieve executive proficiencies. Flo is known as a Relationship Building Architect and is passionate about building friction-free relationships for career success.
Reach Flo:
http://www.thinkingwellconsulting.com
http://www.flomauri01.wordpress.com
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