Dating nightmares are seen as part of dating game but how many of us are aware of their lasting affect on our self-esteem? Avoiding pregnancy, disease, stalkers, and physical abuse are obvious goals in dating but we also must protect our self-esteem. How many times have we dated someone not because we picked them but because they picked us? The tips to avoiding dating nightmares to protect your mental and emotional well-being are quite simple, though simple things can still be challenging.

• Healthy Self-Esteem
• Trust Your Gut Feelings
• Personal Boundaries

Part 1 - Healthy Self-Esteem

You must have healthy self-esteem prior to dating or you will attract insecure men with low self-esteem. This creates an insecure, jealous couple dependent upon the stability the other person who doesn't have it to begin with much less, extra to share.

The Result: A tumultuous relationship and an emotionally and mentally draining and damaging breakup equating to lower self-esteem for both involved. By not insuring your healthy self-esteem prior to dating, you have just instigated an attack on your own mental and emotional states!

I truly believe that a healthy couple is created by two complete individuals coming together as a third entity. That way, when you are apart, you are "part of something" not "half of something."

The Solution: Take the time to become the person you would fall in love with in order to attract the same caliber of man to you. Make sure you are happy with who you are first and foremost. It may take months or even years but how much time have we all invested in dating the wrong men? Doesn't it make more sense to spend time creating a healthy relationship before you ask someone to join it?

This may seem backwards because we are used to picking a person (who makes us happy) to date and then creating a relationship but that has brought us a 50+% divorce rate! No one can make you happy. Happiness is within you. I loved "Jerry McGuire" too but the "you complete me" line was Hollywood! So many people are looking for someone to complete them. If you do not feel complete all by yourself, saddling someone else with your insecurities is a trip down Nightmare Avenue and you will never become a whole person!

If you attract men who are incomplete and looking for someone to complete them, remember that you attract what you are and you need to work on yourself not them. Stop dating and build your self-esteem. When you feel like you don't even need a man, that is when you are healthy enough to have an excellent relationship.

My poor decisions took me down the road of rape and domestic violence and they stemmed from my lack of healthy self-esteem. You don't want that to happen to you, your friends or your daughters, do you? Then take it from me, someone who's been there, healthy self-esteem and loving who you are will give you a whole new life! The choices in men will be fewer because there are less of them with healthy self-esteem as well but quality always trumps quantity.

As "Your Personal Safety Trainer," my top safety tip for dating women is you must have healthy self-esteem to avoid dating nightmares!