"To avoid something, we must learn what attracts it in order to know how to repel it."

As women, we tend to be more nurturing by nature. We want to help people and we want to think the best of everyone. But it is imperative to determine who is safe and who is not very quickly to stay safe in today's society. I've simplified one of the most vital and misunderstood aspects of personal safety for women, kids, teens and men.

The Definition Of "Attacker"

• Someone who preys on others, verbally, mentally, emotionally or physically.
• So an attacker can be male or female, a 4-year-old bully in preschool, a verbally abusive teen, a physically abusive neighbor, a spouse who withholds affection or money, a condescending boss, a rapist, a murderer, etc.

Characteristics Of The Attacker Mindset

1. low self-esteem
2. insecurities
3. feel out of control
4. choose to control someone else to feel powerful again

You may have noticed a few things in reading the list

1. we all have those characteristics on occasion
2. that "attacker" is a mindset rather than a certain type of person
3. the attack is all about the attacker and the "power fix" they seek, not about the victim

Understand that an attack is not personal. Whether the attacker is male or female, teen or kid, man or woman, the victim is just the quickest way for the attacker to get a power fix. If the attacker is known to the victim, the attack is easier because the attacker already knows which mental and emotional "buttons" to push.

The easiest way to illustrate the attacker mindset is to revisit a time when we were in it. If you are like me, you probably called someone a name or shoved you're little brother or sister at some point in your life. Let's revisit that...

Our Mindset At The Time

We were feeling insecure about something; we didn't feel great about ourselves at the moment (low self-esteem) and we didn't feel in control of the situation or our life at the time.

The Power Fix

Calling someone a name or shoving someone gave us a feeling of power because although we felt out of control of our own life, we could influence someone else's.

It's that simple.

Obviously, many attacks are more violent and deadly than name-calling and shoving but the mindset is the same and so is the goal.

Realizing this provides two benefits

1. It helps us to identify the attacker mindset in ourselves and others before violence escalates - Identifying the attacker mindset in ourselves will help us better understand not only how simple it is to slip in and out of but how often we actually do it.
2. It helps us to realize that attacks are not personal - Realizing that even if an attack is perpetrated by someone we know, it is still all about the attacker's desire for a power fix (not about us) is beneficial in the healing process as well as the physical self-defense process.

The number of attackers may continue to increase but we have control over decreasing the number of victims by showing those who prey on others that their behavior and the excuses they make for it will no longer be tolerated.

Women are usually more interested in safety than men, teens or kids and keeping loved ones safe is of the utmost importance. Men are, of course, concerned with the safety of their loved ones but they have a different perspective.

As women, we may feel unsafe in a parking lot and night. We probably are unsafe in a parking lot at night just based on gender alone; being seen as the weaker sex by cowardly attackers who want to dominate someone. Men, on the other hand, are statistically safer in a parking lot at night for the same reason. Most men rarely feel unsafe. They are safer in the same exact situation that a woman might be unsafe.

This is one of the main reasons that although my safety information is meant for everyone, I find women to be most receptive.