As Women, We Like

As women, we like to help others. We like to be liked. We like to be successful. We like to feel empowered and that we make a difference in the world. We are perfectly capable of raising a family, having a career and making our own decisions.

However, few of us realize how much our decisions are influenced by our self-esteem at the time a decision is made. If you are having an off day, chances are good that you will make a different choice that you would on a day when you feel awesome about yourself.

For example: I thought about relationship mistakes I have made in the past. After tracing them back to their origin, they all resulted from my low self-esteem at the time. The good relationship (and I am referring to friends, co-workers and family as well as dates) decisions I have made tend to stem from feeling confident.

Let Me Go One Step Further

One of my relationship decisions resulted in a date rape. If you have read my article series on "Women's Personal Safety Secrets," you already know I state the fact that no one deserves to be attacked and that the blame always lies with the attacker. But when I asked myself why I went out with this person even though I had a bad gut feeling, I realized it was because I wasn't feeling too terribly great about myself. I was just thankful that someone had asked me out. The bad gut feelings multiplied and intensified during the evening. But I stayed because "I wanted someone to like me." Since I wasn't so thrilled with myself, that would mean I was worthwhile.

That situation was one of several which led me to the work I currently enjoy as a personal safety trainer, speaker, author and self-defense instructor. In the long run, the lesson that was learned (and there is one in every situation) was that even something bad can send you in a whole new direction to make a difference in the world. However, it took healthy self-esteem to make the choice to create something good from it instead of continuing to live as a victim.

Tracing my good relationship decisions back showed me that I have chosen the right friends, let go of the wrong friends and picked my battles wisely. These "confident day" decisions have had a dramatically different affect on my life than those made on an "off day."

YOU are Most Important

Although you probably have a bazillion things on your "To Do" list, I ask you to pay close attention to yourself prior to making decisions. It only takes a second. If you are not feeling fantastic about yourself, think about the decision you would make if you were and then decide. It is similar to establishing and enforcing personal boundaries with a clear head ("Women's Personal Safety Secret #4").

Self-Esteem

You know that self-esteem is an inside job and as much as we'd love to think as much of ourselves as our loved ones think of us, we rarely do. When we feel vulnerable, the slightest off-hand comment can dim our light. When we feel strong, it takes a lot to rock us. Sometimes, a single day can feel like a ride on the self-esteem roller coaster. It may not seem fair but realize you are not alone.

Women have greater intuitive sensitivity, which is great in most situations and detrimental in others. We tend to take things more personally than men do and we attempt to read between the lines when there is often nothing there. This is why our self-esteem can be delicate and why we must take extra good care of ourselves in order to be there for our loved ones. This is how self-esteem plays such a huge role in personal safety for women.