The cool thing about quantum theory, is that you can now prove your off the wall theories with science.

For example, if an object travels at close to the speed of light, it actually, physically gets shorter. So if your car is too long for your short little garage, get it up to close to the speed of light, and it will fit in! (Briefly, that is)

But wait! It gets better! Because traveling at close to light speeds also shortens time. In fact, when you get to the speed of light, time stops altogether and then starts going backwards, so that you can get back before you left, and watch yourself going. It's at this point of the discussion that my wife normally goes to make coffee, and she doesn't come back!

You also get all these cool little unseeable thingys called protons and quarks and neutrinos and other particles, and you need a lot of imagination if you want to see them. Believe it or not, trillions of neutrino's are traveling through our bodies, and out vehicles, and our houses, all the time. I thought I felt strange! Sort of holier than thou. But of course you are just as holey as I. Maybe that's why my car rusts so fast.

Kids could use these as an excuse for trashing the family sedan. 'It was terrible Dad! Millions of quarks bombarded the car, and the fender eventually just fell off. I tried to get away, but they are everywhere in the universe!' Who can argue with that? It's backed up by science.

So getting hit into the middle of next week may just be possible. Apparently there are time tunnels from one end of the universe to the other, so that you can get 16.7 trillion light years away from home in about 20 minutes. Only problem is, they are not mapped all that well, so finding the entrance could be a slight problem. Also, if you get a few trillion light years away from earth, and have only taken a light lunch with you, and you can't find the tunnel back, you may get a tad hungry if you come home the long way round.

You may well be asking, how you get up to the speed of light? This is simple. You accelerate to half the speed of light. Then you double your speed.

It's a good thing to learn about quantum theory. Talk about it for 2 minutes and people immediately think you are a rocket scientist. (or they may just think you're mad. Either way, it's great for parties)

Actually, I haven't written this article yet. I've just got up to twice the speed of light, and I can see myself thinking about doing it tomorrow! (And I'm really, really short!)

Duncan Kelly