No matter how hard you try to fix or control the situation, they seem beyond your control.

For instance, I was working with a client recently who has a number of staff working under him, and wanted to delegate to them efficiently. And the same problem showed up in employee after employee.

Okay, so it got incrementally better, somewhat. But, even after several years he was still exhausted and the delegating wasn't really taking the load off.

Harumph... Fixing the mistakes the way he had been didn't seem to be fixing anything, because they kept coming back.

Does this sound familiar? Do you have things that keep cycling back over and over in your business? What's going on? How do you fix these 'unfixable' mistakes?

The problem with human mistake radar. Here's what I've learned through the Sufi teachings about mistakes: that our human 'guidance' system is nearly infallible in detecting that a mistake has happened. All the emotional, physical and inner-knowing symptoms that something is 'off' or not right are usually very, very reliable.

Maybe you've got a sinking feeling in your stomach. Or just a 'knowing' that something is off. However you get it, you know that there's a mistake here.

Unfortunately, most of us have not been taught how to look behind this discomfort to see what the mistake actually is.

Let me restate that: as a human, you know when a mistake has occurred, but you rarely know what the true mistake actually is.

Why we misidentify mistakes. It's hard to name the mistake, because as humans we usually grab onto the most visible part of it: our actions, and the results that came from them. But, the action wasn't the mistake. You need to look behind the actions.

The mistake occurs earlier, in the relationship that one has to the project or person in question. When that relationship is out of wack, then your actions reflect that out-of-whack relationship. In the example with my client, he had to eventually look at, not what he did with his the employees, but at his own relationship with delegating.

Why mistakes are a gateway, the Sufi view. Mistakes are required- without mistakes, there is an essential part of our humanity missing. The part of you, deep in your heart, that really wants to know that you don't have to 'earn' love and acceptance. That no matter what you do, love is available.

Forgiveness is the bridge. Without it, we can't ever truly relax into being our full human selves. And without mistakes, we can never taste forgiveness in our hearts, because there will always be a part of us saying: "But, if I goof up, I'm doomed, unlovable."

Allow me to quote from a Sufi teacher (please forgive the Old Testament flavor):

"Through the gate of the mistake, most of My beloveds come to reach Me. First, I put them in the fire of the mistake, then this fire brings them to the deeper fire of My love. Then I show them My light in the fire, and in a moment they jump and are face to face..." (from Music of the Soul, by Sheikh Sidi al-Jamal).

The first 'fire of the mistake' that the Sheikh mentions is that internal guidance system- when we feel yucko that something went wrong.

The second fire is the return to love that burns away the yuck. it's the insight that comes in this second fire that shows you the true mistake without a tinge of shame or guilt. It will feel clean, simple and very true.

With my client above, his insight was that he actually never really delegated anything because he wasn't seeing his employees as the responsible adults they were.

To simply see and acknowledge his employees as responsible adults was the most important change.

Marinate before the fire. Before you jump in with both feet, take a gentle breath, and just let your heart marinate on this insight. Ahhhh.

And, the mistake still happened. A goof-up occurred, and the mess is here and now. And you still have to clean it up. How do you jump from the first fire of 'yuck' to the second 'deeper fire of love,' so you can clean things up?

Keys to Cleaning Up the Mess

• Take responsibility for the unknown.

When you feel that yucko feeling of a mistake, your first inclination may be to push it away. But, that doesn't work so well. Instead, take full responsibility, even though you don't know what that looks like yet.

That's right, find the place in your heart that is willing take full responsibility for the mistake. It's yours, and remember, it's your gateway to love.

• Ask for forgiveness.

This is not about collapsing and begging to be forgiven because you messed up. This is about asking deep in your heart to see something that you haven't seen yet, and to know that you don't have to be perfect in order to earn love.

The way the Sufis ask for forgiveness is to call into the heart: "I ask for forgiveness from Source. Please help me to see what I don't know." And be willing to be surprised.

Be patient. This process has taken me as little as one minute, and sometimes as long as 30-60 minutes of quiet reflection and asking in my heart, especially if it's a big mistake in my life that I'm having some reluctance looking at directly.

When you receive an insight, and that insight doesn't have any tinge of shame, or wrongdoing, or that you 'just have to suck it up and fix it' then you know you're complete. You'll probably feel a relaxation and peacefulness come into your heart and being.

• Fix the mistake.

Your mistake had consequences in the world. You, and people around you were affected by it. Do your best to make up for any miss-steps you made. Ask your heart, and ask the people involved, what will help to make things whole again?

Follow through with the clean-up actions as soon as possible. This is the integrity that comes with love.

My client followed these three steps, and found that the hardest thing was simply finding the humility to apologize for his past behavior. Which was much easier than continuing that painful cycle.

After this insight, there was a depth of love and trust in his relationships with his employees, and his delegating skills grew in leaps and bounds.

If you do all three steps with a mistake, this is what the Sufi teacher I quoted above calls "consuming the essence of the mistake." Once the essence of the mistake is consumed, you may have a healing in your heart, that keeps these kinds of mistakes from happening again.

Which will definitely help your business bloom.