An attractive woman I know wanted to fall in love. At 38, she had never been married. Over the holidays, she found the man of her dreams. She had a list of requirements she wanted in a mate. She was looking for someone who was honest, faithful, kind, professional, and spiritual. She also felt it was necessary that he love children and animals. And, finally, her number one requirement for the relationship was a mutual chemistry for each other. As far as she could see-it was all there.

She and her new love talked into the night about their hopes and dreams. They wanted to travel together in the future. They went searching for a new home where they might move in together. They met each other's families and everyone was happy with their relationship.

And then, out of nowhere, it fell apart. Why?

On her first date with her new love, he told her something she was not willing to hear. He said, "I'm not sure I'm ready for a serious relationship."

She was so blinded by love, she did not pay attention. That was a major red flag. She also ignored that he was recently divorced. He was trying to tell her the first time they met-he wasn't ready-but since he wasn't clear about it himself, he sent mixed messages.

As time passed, he became indecisive, confused, and quiet. After being with her for one year, he suggested they take a break from each other. After 6 weeks of alone time, he was convinced that he wanted out of the relationship.

She was devastated. She waited for months for him to change his mind, but each time she talked to him, he was even more resolved that it was over.

Not only was her heart captured by this man, she was deeply attached to their future, which made it hard to let go. When a relationship disintegrates, it is because one person's needs are being met while the other's needs are not.

How do you recover from lost love and dreams?

* Go through the grieving process with professional help.

Make sure you are over your last relationship before you go looking for a new one. It would be nice to snap your fingers and say, "I'm over it!" but it doesn't happen that way.

* What did you learn?

What were you unwilling to hear, and when were you unwilling to hear it? What will it take in the future for you to be strong enough to listen to what is being said and what is going on? Yesterday's reasons for a breakup become tomorrow's requirements for your next relationship.

* What is your vision for your life?

Now is the time you need to go back to the drawing board and redesign a life just for you. Are you happy with your career? What are your gifts and talents? Do you need more training and new skills? Do what you love. It will give you energy!

* Do you have a warm happy home?

Be sure your home is comforting as well as comfortable and a welcoming place when you are there.

Why does love end? You have to listen to what the person is truly saying, as well as discover if the person meets your requirements.

And when love does end, you need to hang out with people who admire and respect you. You need friends and family to reflect to you all the ways you are wonderful, and who accept you just as you are. And then, make your life as wonderful as you can imagine it. This is what will make you strong enough to go out and find new love...and, love that lasts.