What to Do When the Unexpected Happens

With the best plans, the most proactive parenting, the proper tools, and keeping everything "under control" for years, as a parent you can still suddenly find yourself with an unexpected, unseen crisis facing you. Sometimes these challenges come from a tragedy, sometimes from something exposed that had previously been hidden, and sometimes these issues come from things outside of your control. When this happens, there are a few important things to know.

First, stay calm. As parents, your children, no matter how old, are looking to you to be the strength in the situation. They may not expect you to have all of the answers, and in fact, it's better when you share with them the fact that you don't, but they do want to see composure from you. So, stay calm.

Second, listen to them. It is far more productive to give them the opportunity to express themselves fully than to fear speaking up. In the middle of a crisis or parenting challenge involving your children, information is critical, and if your child doesn't feel free to share, you may never get to the truth. So, listen well.

Next, and no matter what they say or what the issue is, begin your responses with a reminder that you love your child. Remember, love is a decision, not a feeling, so you may be angry or hurt, scared or in shock, but you must decide to love them. Feelings will change, but they will always be your child. Decide to act in love, always.

Fourth, reassure them that you will be there through the crisis or challenge. When unexpected issues arise, they almost never go away immediately. Time will have to pass and time will be required of you. Commit to it, and all that that means for your child. Healing is a process and your child needs to know that you are not going to give up on them. Be persistent in the time that you take to work through this problem.

Finally, act in love. When a problem arises and a child shares their heart, brings you into their thoughts and emotions, and trusts you in the midst of the crisis, inevitably there will come a sense of vulnerability. They may regret that you "know" the issue, or they may feel that you will change your perspective of them. They will doubt that you mean what you say. So, you will need to show in your actions, time and time again, that you support them. Not only do you need to speak in loving words, but you need to act in loving gestures too. This will be an ongoing part of the healing process.

No parent wants to see harm come to their child or to see their child in an unexpected challenge. We do all that we can to prevent this from happening, but still, there are times when we face the unexpected. When you do, remember these basic action steps, and you and your child will see the other side of the issue much sooner than you would otherwise.

For more information on Camille Rodriquez, visit her website, http://www.joyabides.com.

Or, if you would like to get information on educational coaching, homeschooling, or curricula for middle school and high school, please visit the National Homeschool Academy website, http://www.nationalhomeschoolacademy.com.