That is the age old question, How could someone cheat on their spouse? Who would do such a thing? We often have an image in our minds of what "type of person" would be unfaithful to their spouse. What is your image? Is it:

The 'easy' woman with the scarlet letter, caught in the act? Or, the husband whom we now view as a loser for hurting and betraying his wife so much?

Before we pick up stones to throw at anybody, it's important to see past our preconceived ideas and judgment of what kind of person could do such a thing- to WHO could fall into an affair- while at the same time not justifying the behavior.

There are 3 camps of people in the world regarding this affair issue, which category are you in?

1. "It would never happen to me or my marriage"

Many view themselves as completely loving, faithful spouses who would never stoop to the level of committing adultery, marital unfaithfulness, cheating... or whatever one wants to call it.

2. "I have fallen into the trap of an affair, feel terrible yet, don't know how to get out"

These folks may look back and wonder how this could have happened to them. They most likely feel guilty and badly about themselves. But oftentimes, they may feel they are in love (depending on the type of affair) with this new person, and are now having a difficult time getting out of its trap.

3. "I have never been unfaithful, but I can see how it could happen to me if I'm not careful"

They have no pride or self-assurance of their own strength. They recognize their weakness and potential to fall and remain somewhat scared and cautious when relating to members of the opposite sex too closely.

So, which of the 3 do you fall into?

Perhaps you are the one who has always been faithful and cannot understand why a spouse has failed and betrayed you, or why a friend decided to be unfaithful in their marriage. But it is important to look at any of the following scenarios and see if you can relate to any of them:

* A co-worker gives you attention and praise for a job well done, or notices when you're nicely dressed and is great with the compliments, you feel good around them and even start to look forward to this person's occasional attention.

* A friend of the opposite sex just seems to understand you better than your spouse does sometimes. They listen to your problems and you seem to have things in common. You figure in your mind it is just a friendship though, and it would never go past that because you're not 'they type' to ever have an affair.

*You notice beauty in members of the opposite sex. It's difficult not to look at such handsome or pretty creatures, but it's just a look after all- you reason. Or, maybe just a little innocent flirting.

Can you relate, even slightly, to any of these scenario's ? Maybe it was just a brief and passing feeling, or maybe at a vulnerable and difficult time in your marriage or life. But many of us could acknowledge some degree of similarity there.

It is very easy to judge others, it's the age old disease of mankind. Yet, if we take a step back from our self-assurance in our own perfection and goodness and recognize the subtle little ways affairs happen, we wouldn't be so fast in picking up those stones in judgment for others who've gotten ensnared in its trap.

So, what KIND of person can have an affair?

I believe it can be anyone. If we are all completely honest, given a certain set of circumstances, at certain weak and vulnerable times, and situations set up a certain way... we all are capable. This does NOT mean we all will, but it's important to recognize that we are all capable, because THAT is the first key in protecting our marriages and not falling into the subtle traps and false promises that affairs offer. And maybe, just maybe, we could even reach out a hand in love and kindness to help those marriages that have painfully suffered in the wake of an affair, without coldly shunning them. More to come on what the warning signs of a potential affair are. And what to do when it visits your marriage.

(Even if your marriage is still in the wedding planning stage, or perhaps your still newlyweds, it is never to early to learn the keys to a healthy and strong marriage and ways to protect it.)