For most parents, toddler behavior is a major issue at some point.  The "Terrible Twos" can often be just the beginning.  In this article I'd like to explain to you what I believe is the root cause of most behavior problems and how you can avoid such problems in your household.

Between about 18 month and 24 months, most children start to speak many words, but they understand much more than they can speak.  They know what they want, but they can't express themselves with words very well.  When parents don't respond as per the toddler's unspoken wishes, the result can be a temper tantrum.  It's a totally normal result, we all go through it, but it is something that you can learn to deal with to dramatically reduce these problems in your home.

The most important aspect of dealing with the terrible twos is communication.  Specifically, make sure that you are listening to your child.  If you don't understand what he or she wants, simply pick up your child and say "show me".  About half the time a tantrum is the result of your child wanting something and not getting it.  You might just not understand what your child wants and never thought to ask. Saying "show me" is an easy way to ask.  The other half of the time you ill have to deny your child something.

Perhaps little Sammy wants to play with your fine China.  Naturally, you wont' let him.  But instead of saying "no", I want to really encourage you to simply apply some distraction techniques.  When kids are 2 years old, they do not have strong attention spans.  So if your child wants something and you are about to say "no", stop yourself.  Think about this instead:  Is your toddler old enough to actually understand the logic behind your answer?  Of course not!  So use distraction instead of logic.  Logic and 2-year-olds do not mix.  Stop wasting your time.

In summary, most toddler behavior issues can be solved by two things.  First, better listening by the parent.  If you listen instead of talk, you'll get more information and be better equipped to solve your toddler's problem.  Second, understand that logic is not your friend when it comes to the terrible twos. Logic isn't going to really be useful to you until your child is about 4 years old, in my experience.  Instead of saying "no" to your children and attempting to explain why, just ignore the request completely and apply a much more appealing distraction.

Here is one distraction that I like to use:  If my daughter is trying to get her hands on something that I'd rather she left alone, I will often be successful by picking her up and applying several distractions to overwhelm her and cause her to forget what she was doing.  First, I'll speak to her in a playful voice.  Then, I'll tickle her.  Third, I'll pick her up and carry her over to a window and mention something about the outside such as "Hey, do you see that furry squirrel on that tree"?  Then, I just plop her down in front of some other toys that she is allowed to play with. 

When your children get to be a bit older, this simple distraction method may not work as well.  Luckily there are all kinds of language tricks that you can use to influence your kids to do what you want them to do.