Having a plan of action after a break up is a necessity if you are to avoid the gut wrenching emotional upheaval that results when your ex is no longer around. But what if a plan of action included steps that could generate two completely different outcomes, both of which would be acceptable to you, but only one resulted in getting back with your ex?

When a relationship breaks up you usually think getting back with your ex to be the most desired scenario so that you can restore life to how it was before the break up. However almost as often I would suggest, you also think about getting back at your ex as a means of revenge to lessen your suffering. This is only natural but is it really the best action to take?

There is a very powerful way that not only gives some emotional respite by seeming to get back at your ex, but also puts your ex in a quandary that may also repair the relationship. This is achieved by showing your ex how important you are to them, both now and before the break up. These 5 tips provide a method for both getting back at your ex and getting back with your ex.

1. Show strength. Any behavior which shows signs of desperation is to be avoided at all costs. This includes pleading with your ex, clinging to the past and generally showing insecurity. By acting strongly, you will have your ex believe that you are over the break up and have moved on with your life, and this will make your ex realize that they have not.

2. Communication blackout. It may appear contradictory to severely reduce communication with your ex when your primary goal is to reawaken the relationship, but this step is one of the most important when getting back at your ex or getting back with your ex. There is nothing wrong with having your ex stew for a little while without any contact from you. In fact it will allow your ex to get a clear mind and realize how valuable your relationship was.

3. Get out of the house! At this time you definitely do not want to be home alone. Get hold of friends and family, or develop a new social network with a view to introducing some fun to your life. This does not necessarily mean you need to start dating but you do need to get the emotional benefits that come from time out with your friends. This action will also help convince your ex that they lost a treasure when the break up occurred.

4. Just be you. In all of life we really should just be what we are, but during the stages of a break up we are rarely our usual self - there is too much stress around for that. Remember it was the normal "you" which attracted your ex in the first place and by recovering your old self your ex will be reminded of it too.

5. Show flexibility. Rather than taking the obvious course of action of being forceful with your ex, adopt a flexible stance. Rather than demanding an outcome that just adds to the relationship strain, show understanding and listen to what your ex has to say. This approach will undoubtedly cause your ex some surprise and it may assist to rebuild the communication lines which have been missing between you both.

So there it is, 5 simple ways to put in train a course of action which will produce an acceptable outcome to one of the two questions which most commonly arise after a break up - "What to do about getting back at your ex?" or "What to do about getting back with your ex?". The choice you make and the outcome produced are up to you. Good luck!