Many answers come to mind as you contemplate the question. "We have grown out of love", says one couple. Another says, "We no longer agree on key issues". Yet another says, "The pressures of being married are too much to bare". There are many other answers such as, not spending enough time, spending too much time, financial difficulties and so on.

Of course, none of these are valid reasons for a failed marriage. There is but one reason why marriages fail. But before getting to that reason, let us consider what is required for a marriage to work. First, there is commitment. Before love, there is commitment. Commitment is fixing yourself to a specific purpose. In the case of marriage, it is to fix yourself to another person for the rest of your life. Commitment comes before love. Often times people make the sad mistake of marrying because they are "in love", when in actuality they are feeling an emotion. Emotions are like the weather; subject to change. No major decisions in life should be made based on an emotion. What you must settle in your heart before getting married is whether you are willing to spend the rest of your life with this person, no matter what. Are you willing to commit to them, knowing their flaws and their weaknesses? Are you willing to grow with them in all areas of life?

A second requirement for marriage to work is love. Love for the other person must be equal to the love you have for yourself. If you love yourself more than the other, the quality of the marriage will suffer. A good test to see whether you love the other person just as much as you love yourself is to answer the question, "Would my wife (or husband) appreciate the treatment I am giving them?" If this question is your measuring stick for how you treat them, you will do well in your love towards them. Notice that love is not an emotion. Love is not based on the other person, it is based on you. Love is action.

Then there is truth. Be truthful to your mate. Do not hide your weaknesses. Your mate is there to help you. To complete you. Do not hide your actions. When you begin to hide your actions from your mate, the quality of the marriage deteriorates. And as you have guessed, those actions do not pass the love test mentioned earlier. If you get caught (and you inevitably will), a withdrawal will be made from your "trust account". Without truth, there is no trust.

Trust is the final key requirement for a marriage to work. Beyond your life-long commitment, your undying love and unwavering truthfulness there is trust. Your mate must be able to trust you to keep your word, love them, be open with them and never betray them. All of these requirements are linked together. They feed off of one another. None exists without the other.

Now, why do marriages fail? As I stated earlier, there is but one reason. That reason is the love of one's self more than the other person. It is selfishness. Marriages fail because of selfishness. You may be a victim of betrayal by the other partner, who acted selfishly. You may be the person making decisions that put your marriage at risk. That is selfishness. Even the glamorous marriage of Prince Charles and Princess Diana could not withstand this great relationship enemy of selfishness. So take care that the love for you does not outweigh the love for your partner.