He dumps you... he puts his arm around you... and then he tells you those simple little words: "But we can still be friends".

Wanting to stay in touch with your ex after the break up is natural behavior. After all you love him, don't want to lose him, and can't stand the thought of never seeing or talking to him again. So when he offers to be friends with you? It's a quick and easy transition to make, because of two main factors: one, you're not completely ending your relationship (only the romantic part), and two, you believe that somehow, during your friendship, you'll be able to win your ex back.

Most women who embrace friendship with an ex boyfriend are all thinking the same thing: "If I can only stay friends with my ex, he'll want me back". The thought process is logical enough, because if you're always around your ex he'll eventually be able to see how much he misses and loves you. He'll remember what it was like to date you, and one day you'll kiss... from there, it's just a quick jump back into the role of boyfriend and girlfriend again. Right? Right!

Well... the sad fact is that the opposite is actually true. The more you see, talk, and keep contact with an ex, the further and further you sink into the permanent role of becoming "just friends" with him. Being friends with your ex boyfriend doesn't make him want you back for one simple reason: he already has you. He can see you, talk with you, email or text-message you, and in some cases even sleep with you... all without the label of being a "boyfriend" anymore. This gives him the freedom to do what he wants, see other girls, and anything else his little heart desires while you sit around miserably waiting for the day he wakes up and realizes he wants to call you his girlfriend again.

But it's not all bad news, because there's actually a good side to your ex wanting to stay in touch. When your ex wants to be friends with you, it's a big huge giveaway that he's not completely over your relationship yet. There's something about you he still loves and doesn't want to be without. For that very reason, he offered to stay buddy-buddy... just in case he decides to change his mind.

"So I'll wait around for my ex. He'll eventually want me back if I can just be patient, right?"

Well, yes and no. Your exboyfriend is going to take you back when the following two things happen: he both misses and needs you again. You can actually speed up this process by making yourself LESS scarce, causing your ex to miss you. The more you make yourself available, the less he's going to need you in his life. In fact, in the rush to get your boyfriend back, you might even put yourself in his face a little too much. Do this, and you'll be pushing him away from the inside out.

When all is said and done, being friends with your ex boyfriend can actually prolong the break up. For this reason, you need to refuse your ex's offer to be pals and withdraw from the situation for a while. Let the break up sink in... for him, not you. When your ex gets a taste of life without you, that's when he'll find it might not be so appealing to him. This is also when he's going to need you again... and reach out at a time when you're not there. This is one of the best ways to get your ex boyfriend to call you - making him miss you to the point where he needs to contact you in order to feel like you're not going away.

There are some excellent techniques for getting your boyfriend back when he just wants to be friends, and the sooner you learn them the better your chances of reconciliation. Only by following a step by step plan can you guarantee success in winning him back as more than just a friend - but as a boyfriend, too.