Taming Your Mind Through Altruism and Compassion

A big problem in society today is that we make it all about me! That's right, we are too focused on our own needs and often don't take into consideration the needs of others. Please don't misinterpret me. I'm sure you are all lovely people and do a lot of kind and nice things for other people, especially your children and families. I'm talking more from a psychological point of view. How we really think about the world. The motivation we hold when interacting with others.

"The quickest way to get out of your head, is to get into the head of someone else."

Really think about it. Examine your motivation or reason for doing things in life? We usually do things with a focus on ourselves, even when doing things for others. True altruism in practice (not). What if you put your personal needs aside (even for 1 minute) and really "walked a mile in someone else's shoes?" This is one of the best ways to overcoming mental health issues in life and this is the reason why I have written this chapter.

Compassion

For example, we often worry about what other people may think about us. What if we got out of our heads and focused on other people and where they were coming from? The Buddhists call it compassion. If you manage to do this, you will probably find that any negative judgment about you (from others) is coming from a position of suffering in themselves or something that you really have little control over (remember what I said in the previous chapter about criticism). Oftentimes, the other person isn't really focused on you, they are probably more focused on themselves and their personal concerns.

If you are able to get out of your head and focus on the needs of other people, you will be happier as a result. You will be more present in your environment, more people will like you and you will achieve more in life. I'll explain what I mean by this in a second. But first a professional development workshop story.

Mediation Workshop

I recently attended a mediation workshop, to gain accreditation to work as a mediator. I learned that the main problem that people fall into when they have a dispute is that they go straight to the negation stage or "telling the other person what they want from them" stage. Does this ring true for you? For example, in a divorce most parties are focused on what the split of the assets is going to be? The great thing about the mediation process is that it makes parties go through the exploration stage, before getting to the negotiation stage.

Essentially it makes parties explain to the other person what psychological issues (e.g., not feeling respected) or additional issues that they bring to the table, that need to be addressed. So by the time that they get to the negotiation stage, each party is aware of where the other person is coming from and less combative. As a result much better outcomes are able to be achieved.

Again that is the irony. We are soo focused on the "I" or the "Me" and really want to do great things in this world and for other people to like us but we go about it in all the wrong ways. Let's take the goal of wanting other people to like us. If we are soo caught up in our own heads, how are we to know what the other person is wanting or feeling? If we make it all about the other person, then this goal is much more likely to occur, because we make it about them. For example, when was the last time that you really listened to another person in a conversation?

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