I survived crushing change through divorce and found the strength to create a new life-my way, and so can you!

My story begins with returning home from a weekend visiting my sick mother to find a near empty house and no husband. The following morning divorce papers were thrust in my hands. I went through shock and unbelief as I struggled to regain my equilibrium. I could not accept the fact that my husband was never going to come back home. I new the phone would ring at any moment and he would say, "Hi honey, I want to come home, I made a terrible mistake," but the call never came.

One month later my phone rang and the voice on the other end said, "Barbara, are you aware that my wife and your husband are having an affair? My wife moved out the same weekend you husband moved out. I sat listening in total shock. This woman had worked in my husbands office for seven years and was twenty years younger. I was outraged at all his lies and excuses as to why he was coming home so late and working more on weekends. I felt betrayed by the man who had pledged his love and commitment to me and promise that he would always be faithful.

Anger can be a great motivator when you have been living in denial. Once I knew of the affair, I picked up the phone and called an attorney. My husband had closed our accounts and taken all the money. He cancelled our credit cards and left me with literally nothing. He even took the file cabinet and every single document from our home. Had I acted sooner I might have been able to force him to return our belongings. Following are some suggestions to help you protect yourself and your assets in the event of divorce.

1. Always maintain a separate checking account in just your name. If he opened an account and added your name, he can also close it!

2. Make certain you have a credit card in your name only. If you are just an added name on his credit card, he can take you off.

3. Put money aside in a separate savings account or safety deposit. If you find yourself in my situation, it will come in handy.

4. If your husband controls all the money, ask to see what he does with it. Is it invested and if so where?

5. Seek legal advice immediately and the sooner the better. Do not let a single day go by without seeking an attorney.

6. Never walk away from a marriage saying, "I do not want anything, I just want out." Money is only relevant when you do not have any! Get your fare share of the marital assets.

7. One of the most important steps while you struggle through divorce is to maintain a close circle of friends and family members to help you through this passage. Do not try to go it alone, you need love, understanding and support.

8. I encourage you to find a good counselor to help you through your divorce. A counselor is impartial and will allow you to talk through your pain without making judgements.

9. Give yourself time to grieve knowing that time is a great healer as we struggle through change. It is never too late to create the life you want and so richly deserve-your way!