-Grover Cleveland is the only US president to serve in two non-consecutive terms, and John XXIII is the only Pope to serve in two non-consecutive lifetimes; he was declared dead briefly between the years 1419 and 1881, when he was found hiding under the guise of a small Italian infant. Most scholars agree he spent the last four hundred years, and several thousand reincarnations, getting into adventures and solving mysteries, but mostly as various ticks on William Tyndale.
-Hitler only had one testicle. He had the other exterminated because of its suspected treachery in the Battle of the Somme.
-Dante Alighieri never ventured into the depths of hell, though he did once spend a summer in Monkton, Ontario.
-George Bernard Shaw's beard was fake.
-No one has ever legitimately laughed at a greeting card.
-Ludwig van Beethoven was not deaf, but found this excuse helped him gain sympathy from his tutors in Vienna, as well as allowing him to avoid excessive conversation with Joseph Haydn, who had terrible breath. He was, however, completely blind, and thus unable to read music, and much of his compositions were the result of random scribbling, coffee stains and coincidence.
-Aliens have frequently visited Earth. These trips are not to abduct humans, or even to plan their full invasion, but rather to distribute blurry photographs of Big Foot; to distract us from their full invasion, of course.
-Wilber Wilde of Norfolk, Virginia is one of only four men who have ever truly enjoyed the sound of the bagpipe, the other three being William Wallace, Walt Whitman and William Wilberforce. The W.W. initials held in common between these men are most likely a Masonic conspiracy.
-The four Mount Rushmore presidents' corpses are secretly held inside their respective, giant, stone heads, as they are the four horsemen of the apocalypse. They were frozen immediately after their deaths by the Mennonites, whose iconic beards are grown in honor of the horsemen of pestilence (Lincoln).
-Oscar Wilde owned a falcon named Murray who once played the title role in The Importance of Being Ernest.
-The most common pet-names used by couples are "Babe", "Sweetie", and "Fat Ass".
-The bestselling book of all time is Thunderball.
-Elliot Ness solved crimes using astral projection.
-Most who knew him admit Greek epic poet Homer was kind of an ass hole.
-AC DC front man Bon Scott died shortly after seeing his doppelganger.
-The majority of wrong numbers involve the caller asking for "Rico".
Sincerely,
George R. Bruce
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George R. Bruce (http://www.georgerbruce.com)
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