The problem with the advice you get from most marriage guidance councillors is that it involves effort from both you and your partner. This is ok if both of you want to repair the relationship and avoid breaking up but what if your partner isn't interested in saving your marriage? You're unlikely to get the results you are looking for if this is the case but what if I could show you some ways to get your ex back even if your ex doesn't want to come back?

Relationships are great in the beginning

Relationships are often wonderful to start with. You are both fresh to each other and you're still discovering how great it can be together. As time goes by however, you get used to each other and if you don't keep doing new and exciting things to keep the interest levels up then there is a tendency for you to grow apart. Sooner or later one partner decides that they've had enough and leaves.

Wake up your marriage is failing

It's often the case that one partner suddenly wakes up at this point and realises what's happened, realises what's been happening for months or maybe even years without even noticing. Panic sets in at the thought of losing your loved one and you start to plead with your soon-to-be ex to change their mind. You pour out your heart to her and promise that all sorts of things will change.

Stop - You won't save your marriage by pleading

The last thing you should do is plead with your partner to change her mind because she won't, in fact you'll just make things worse. Don't make promises that you can't keep because she won't believe you anyway. I know that it's hard but you must take a step back from the situation and get on with your own life. Showing that you can live without her will actually draw her towards you. It's strange I know but it's true.

Get a life - you might be surprised by what happens

I remember a long time ago when my long-standing relationship was breaking up. We had drifted apart for many reasons and I'd tried very hard for a very long time to stop my partner from leaving. Nothing worked and I finally gave up when I realised that I'd be better off getting a life than trying desperately to hold on to one that was obviously going nowhere.

What happened next surprised the life out of me. I stopped pleading and I told her that I'd accepted that it was all over and that we should go our separate ways. I thought that was what she wanted but was I wrong? Now it was me who was the bad guy! I was the one breaking up the relationship not her and she wanted to get it back.

I'm afraid things had gone too far for me at this point and my ex's pleading simply pushed me further away but I can't help wondering what would have happened had I known this secret a lot earlier. We might still be together and happily married. If you understand this secret you could stop your divorce and save your marriage.