Small Business Success Tip - Shut Up & Listen

Having specialized in sales, marketing and promotions for more than 13 years in markets ranging from Boston to New York to Miami, I observe one mistake most often. No matter the market, medium, salesperson or prospect, people just don't listen.

They seem more interested in hearing themselves talk, in conveying the message that they're the "smartest kids in the room" with the best information, and they're going to share, whether or not anyone appears receptive.

How many times have you sat in front of an overzealous salesperson who's eager to spill his collection of facts and figures the moment he enters your office? Some offer up little tidbits at a time, each usually attached to some hypothetical question, as if attempting to lead with the proverbial "carrot on a string" or "candy to a baby." Now a business owner, I receive no fewer than three calls a day from desperate marketers trying to make the sale by telling me how great their products are. Sometimes I listen politely and humor them. Other times I shake my head and wonder, who is teaching these people? If they would just pipe down and listen I would tell them exactly how to sell me.

Listening hasn't always been my strong point. I was once an eager salesperson who pounded the pavement in search of prospects who would listen to my spiel about whatever fancy "widgets" or service I happened to be selling at the time. Then one day I realized a key fact that proved much more valuable than any sales course. If I closed my mouth and really listened - I mean actually heard what my prospects had to say - I wouldn't have to try to sell a thing. My prospective clients would tell me about their pains and exactly how I could fix them.

One of the most effective tools for building emotional (and social) intelligence is intentional listening. When you listen well, you pick up not only the content of what someone is saying (e.g., details about the project, names of people who might assist and essentials like deadlines and budget figures) but also the emotional tone behind the content. For instance, if a project supervisor is telling you about the logistical issues she faces while pulling together a complicated technical report, you might just notice the edge of anger, sadness or hopelessness in her voice and be able to take steps to mitigate the emotion. She in turn will likely feel understood and supported - two basic needs that, when fulfilled, strengthen the foundation of any endeavor and relationship - and she might subconsciously begin to perceive you as an important resource that very moment.

Sadly, the ability to listen seems elusive in today's hectic world. Take this minor example: At a recent local social gathering I met a man who's hell-bent on changing something rather significant regarding transportation in Hampton Roads. I support his project and, being somewhat an activist for the cause, I could have provided him with contacts, some history behind what he's tackling and even guidance about how to tap into the leadership in our town. But alas, he did all the talking; I couldn't get a word in edgewise. With every proclamation he unwittingly closed this window of opportunity. He'd had me at "transportation in Hampton Roads." But he lost me less than halfway through his impromptu monologue.

Actually, I did manage a few words as we parted.

"You know, I could introduce you to some people in the district who could help you," I offered.

"Oh, I know who to talk to," he maintained.

Hmmm. Now, I'm not asserting that I'm the go-to person on this project. I'm definitely not. But I know the go-to people, which might have been helpful. A more perceptive (i.e., emotionally intelligent) conversationalist would have been receptive to the other's ideas and also would have noticed the flicker of frustration in her eyes as she attempted to give feedback. A more perceptive person might also have realized that he was about to decline valuable information, and perhaps a valuable volunteer, in his relentless effort to hear himself talk.

Good business requires excellent communication. Just as every business exchange requires ready and willing recipients, so does every effective conversation. If you find yourself entering with too much smoke in your stack, pipe down and just listen.