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A little while ago I wrote a short saying on Twitter which went like this: "What you see is what you get, so make sure that what you see is what you actually want"
What I am referring to is the idea that most people focus on negative things when it comes to their life. They focus on not having enough money to pay the bills, they focus on the day getting worse, they expect for things to go wrong, they constantly see the glass half empty, expect that they will have an argument at home with their partner, believe that they will not get that promotion for various reasons, the list is endless.
What I would encourage you to do for just a few moments is to have a think about your life and where you are right now. Think about your financial situation, your physical and emotional health, your relationship, your career, and your social life. Where are you right now? Do you have that area in your life just like you have always dreamed it to be or is it a nightmare or just plain bad?
I would suggest that if you are honest and open to yourself you will find that if you have financial problems, its because that is what you see most of the time. You look at your poor finances, you will focus on your unpaid bills, on what you can't afford, what you are missing, what others have that you don't have. You may say that you try and focus on solutions, on "seeing" the positive rather than the negative, however, I would suggest that the way you really see things is unconsciously. The subtle negative words and comments that you will say in your head, the put downs about what you can't achieve...
Try this: For one day, just focus on what you say to yourself in your head when things happen around you whether at home or at work. Try and capture what you are saying. Are those words or sentences positive or negative? Are they putting you down or are they uplifting? Do you feel better or worse after what you say. Again, I would suggest that if you have many negative situations in your life, it may be because of what you say to yourself unconsciously. This is what I would call your core beliefs about who you are and what you are. Your core belief are how you see yourself on an unconscious level and you have had this in your life for many, many years. So if you are constantly telling yourself negative things about yourself, how could you achieve the things you are hoping to achieve. You are behind the eight ball (so to speak) before you even start.
So how do you start to change this negative self-talk and how do you begin to see what you actually want (the positive stuff)? How do you begin to live your life the way you have always dreamed it to be and getting what you want? Well, I'll give you a number of techniques that I teach my clients that have helped them change the course of their life from negative to positive.
1. Begin to listen to what you say to yourself in your head (unconsciously)
2. Write these words or sentences down
3. Start to look for a general theme that constantly comes up. After a little while you may realise that you say to yourself "I am such an idiot" or "I just can't ever do anything right". This will give you an idea what actually happens unconsciously.
4. Can you prove that what you say is actually true (like "I am such an idiot"? Now the best way to start doing this is to put your child into your position. For example: if your child did what you had done, would you call your child an idiot? Why not? Well, I would suggest that if your child is not an idiot, then how can you tell yourself this? I would suggest that you are judging yourself wrongly.
5. So, over the coming weeks you need to begin to start to challenge what you say to yourself, because unless you change the way you believe in yourself, you will never change your life. Again let me explain:
Do you think that when Roger Federer is playing in a match, he tells himself things like "you know you are a bad tennis player, you will fail you know, who do you think you are trying to win, you are a fool..." I hear you scream NO, of course not! Well, we all know that he would be focusing on where the ball needs to go, focus on where to stand... so he will be focusing on what he wants not what he does not want. Do you begin to understand how "what you see is what you get" is actually true?
There are many other techniques that you can implement, and I will continue to write about these over the course of the next few articles, but the most important change needs to happen between your ears. You need to start believing and talking to yourself in a positive manner, otherwise nothing will change. You will continue to receive exactly what you see.
About this Author
Nic Marcon is the Owner, Director and Principle Psychologist of Emotional Balance, a counselling Centre in Logan City, Brisbane, Australia. Nic has a passion to help others achieve their goals and dreams and believes that with some guidance, anyone can achieve their personal dreams. Nic has helped people with addiction problems, abuse and trauma, those with self-harm and suicide ideation, overcome their anxiety, depression and PTSD symptoms. Nic has developed a range of group programs and e-courses to further assist people in the areas of stress and anger management, teaching people assertiveness skills and he also runs a weekly addiction program.
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