Should you let babies and small children sleep in the bed with their parents and if so, for how long?

I raised four children and they all slept with us in a standard double bed up to a point--it was just easier that way. I'm a basically lazy person once I get bedded down for the night. I really hated getting up to feed and change junior. I'd lay out couple of clean diapers by the bed and a plastic bag for the dirties. The night-time snacks, of course, didn't require any special preparation--they were on tap. The babies slept on my side on the edge rather than the middle of the bed because my husband was afraid he would roll on them. I always threw down extra pillows on the floor on my side in case they either rolled or got pushed out.

But that is ME. A lot of factors enter into this decision: How sound you sleep, whether you are overweight, what medications you take, the size of your bed your child's temperament, your feelings and your spouse's feelings on the issue, what to do with baby when you are feeling amorous, is the crib in the parents' room or not, the absence or presence of siblings, and so on. A very heavy sleeper who takes meds (especially sleep meds) and/or is overweight might want to think twice about having the baby in the bed with them. There is no right and wrong here, and what is right in one situation may be wrong in another; what is right for one child may be wrong for another, Some people have very strong opinions on both sides of this issue. Some will try to make you feel like you are a horrible parent if you do it and some will try to make you feel horrible if you don't. Don't let them do it. You are the expert here. You can trust yourself that YOU are the best person to know.

We started encouraging ours to sleep in the crib when they started getting rowdy--the exact age was different from child to child, but generally around the age they could walk easily. We also expected them to be able to fall asleep on their own and trained them to do so by means of a trick I learned from a daycare provider: most babies fall asleep easily when their bottoms are rhythmically and surprisingly firmly (!) patted for about fifteen minutes, in or out of the parental bed. Once there were multiple children and they were beyond the age of needing sustenance every four hours they were quite happy to curl up with each other to sleep: big sis would crawl in the crib with little brother and once little brother learned to escape from the crib he would just as often crawl in with big sis, especially on a cold night.

I honestly think that whether children sleep with their parents or not is a non-issue. Here is my advice:

• have confidence in your instincts
• don't waver between the advice given in this book or that book
• don't beat yourself up if feel you made a mistake -- children are forgiving
• present a consistent and firm but loving presence to your little one (note: love is not the same thing as indulgence)
• don't try to make him happy all the time, rather teach him how to make himself happy.