The give and get, or more likely, spend and debt season is upon us. I hate to sound cynical, but many Americans spend far too much money before the holidays and far too much time working and worrying to pay back the debt the rest of the year.

It's the excess that gets us into trouble. Excess spending, excess "doing", excess eating, and even expectations that are excessive. How can we avoid that guilty feeling when the New Year rolls around? Here are seven ways to simplify your holidays for less stress, less debt, and less guilt, and more peace and joy.

1. Reflect on the meaning of the holiday.

Now is the time to seriously look at what is most important to you (not to others) about the holiday season. Is it spending time with loved ones? Making cookies with the kids? Going skiing? The joy of choosing that "perfect" present for someone you love? Write a list of what you love about the holidays, and what you do not love about the holidays. (I'm sorry, I can't do anything to help you with Aunt Harriet who makes rude comments at the family dinner. ? How much of the "what I love" list is connected to material things?

After you have done your two lists, decide what you want to include in your holidays, and what you want to eliminate from your holidays.
Want to include more time with friends? Want more peace? What on your "not love" list can you eliminate, or change so that it's easier? Remember, just because you've always done something does not mean you have to continue to do it. Give yourself permission to choose what kind of holiday experience you want to have.

2. Plan ahead.

Do you want to entertain over the holidays? Think about your outfit, menus, dishes, place settings, guest lists, etc. now. The more you do ahead, the more relaxed you'll be the day of the event. Make reservations well ahead. The holidays are busy times for restaurants and entertainment. Don't even go holiday shopping until you have your list in hand and know what you want to buy, and how much you can afford to spend. Stick to your planned budget. To make this easier, you can even withdraw the amount of cash you will spend and leave your credit card at home. Before you shop, review your "reflect" list, to remind yourself of what you truly value about the holidays.

3. Simplify.

Can you buy a pie instead of making one? As you make your plans and lists, constantly ask yourself "how much time will this really take?" Then allow more 20% time than you estimate. "How can I make the easier on myself?" There are many ways to simplify: overlook a floor that's not pristine. Order a pre-cooked turkey or ham. Delegate some chores to the kids. Hire some help if you can afford it, for cleaning, or even wrapping presents. When running errands in your car, group them by location to save time and gas. Consider sending New Years cards instead of Christmas cards.

4. Donate and toss now.

Now's the time to go through some unused or broken items and let them go. Get the kids involved in choosing things they've outgrown or no longer play with. But be sure to let them do the deciding, or you're in for some trouble. Teaching kids to pass on good toys they no longer use encourages them to think of others who are less fortunate.

5. Let go of unrealistic expectations.

We all have high expectations for the holidays. We see holiday ads on TV showing happy families, and we think "why don't I feel like that?" Remember, TV ads are not real. Maybe the house doesn't have to look Martha Stewart perfect. Good and done is better than perfect and not done. Accept that all family relationships are not perfect. It helps to remind yourself that "everyone is doing their best with the resources they have under the given circumstances."

6. Give less "stuff", and more attention.

This year, my husband and I are trying to give less material "stuff". We're doing this for two reasons:

First, I see so many clients who are suffocating with excess "stuff" which in time, becomes clutter.

Second, if we don't buy stuff, we save gas to drive to the store, we save energy by not using gas, plastic bags, or wrapping paper. We save time and our own energy.

We will make gifts ourselves (i.e. a picture album, a framed picture, baked goods), or give gift certificates for dining out, movies or Netflix, or donate to a person's favorite charity. (OK, I admit, I had already bought a few things for my 4 -year- old granddaughter.) For the few material gifts we might buy, we try to buy gifts that will last, or can be passed on, such as a CD or book.

7. Slow down

Savor the time with friends, neighbors and family. Take extra care of yourself. Get the right amount of sleep. Do something every day that will contribute to your enjoyment of this special season. Enjoy a quiet moment with a warm cup of tea or coffee. Call a friend you haven't spoken with in a long time. Or take an extra moment to send a quick handwritten note to thank someone you normally wouldn't thank. It will make you feel good all day. Promise!