Infidelity is considered the most significant cause of breakdown in marriage. Whilst there are other factors such as financial disputes, children, career and even in-laws, however infidelity remains as the number one marriage killer. But what drives one to become unfaithful to his or her partner?

Why Infidelity

Infidelity knows no boundaries or socio-economic status that even couples who are living together as husbands and wives for so many years are not exempted from it. Though risk is higher to those who have just started to live together under "one roof" as married couples (this is the stage where one's imperfection no matter how small is becoming to be more obvious) and those marriage relationship though being consummated but separated geographically because of work assignments or job location. Most self-help articles that I read related to marriage talk about infidelities caused when one became more "comfortable" with someone else other than his or her spouse.

Protecting Your Marriage By Maintaining Your Boundaries

"We never intended to fall in love. We were just friends at the office." These are phrases we commonly heard in the movies though not far from common reality. So how can we protect our relationship from its greatest threat-infidelity or any affair? One word: boundaries.

Some experts say that marriages with strong foundation are immune to affairs. But in reality, it's not the strength of your love that protects your relationship but the strength of your boundaries. A boundary is an inviolable, personal conviction. Most marriage falls into the trap where one is being unfaithful to his or her partner when he or she lost control of the situation when they crossed their boundaries. The boundary that usually falls first is the "shared secret."

By sharing this "secret" you break your boundary. A "boundary -breaker" could be anything like "flirtatious touch" or can be an e-mail with a double meaning or an overly personal compliment. If the other person responds in kind and neither of you tells your spouse, you give each other a silent signal that your feelings are mutual and the secret is safe. Like a spark igniting fuel in an engine, a shared secret revs up a relationship and begins the affair.

How To Maintain Your Boundaries

First, don't cross the "shared secret" boundary. If you sense that somebody is testing that boundary, immediately tell your spouse. Exposing the secret immediately defuses it and builds trust.

Second, never share marriage problems or dissatisfaction to anybody other than your spouse. Opening up your relationship problem to a third party (unless he or she is a relative) may give "wrong signal" to that party. A third party can be an office mate, a secret admirer, your boss or could be your close friend. Sharing your marital woes to a relative sometimes is not helping at all because of their tendency to be biased. Marriage problem can be best settled between you and your spouse alone unless of course you are sharing it to prove a point where you think your own personal experiences can be of help.

Third, don't give overly personal compliments. This exactly may have the same impact as the second advice though done in the form of compliments and "sweet nothings." And lastly, never violate personal space by sitting too close or touching. I don't see the need to elaborate on this further, right?

Lest we are tempted to become unfaithful to our spouse, remember that "The marriage bed is to be undefiled" (Hebrews 13:4) and the phrase "marriage bed" means the physical and emotional intimacy that makes the marriage sacred. Don't give the intimacy that you promised your spouse to anyone else and keep your boundaries firm.