Positive relationships come from positive attitudes.

A while back-- before the results of being tossed on my head too many times started to become obvious-- a friend and I took to the road following up a tip on a horse who just might turn out to be the next state Green Hunter Champion. For those engaged in more meaningful pursuits, in the horse world, 'green' means 'new' and 'hunter' means...'horse who jumps over fake gates, walls, and streams, and other obstacles of the sort you'd find on an old English estate'.

My friend and I parked the truck on the edge of a huge pasture and set out to find the five-year-old bay thoroughbred with the official track name of Parker Poker. Parker turned out to be a less-than-stunning boy, as far as I could see under the mud, the snarls, and the choppy mane. Still, having driven forty miles and walked a couple more through high grass, we led him back to the trailer, loaded him up, and gave him a ride to one of the finest show barns in the Southwest...or at least that's the label I've used for many years to explain away the bizarre proportion on my income I deposited at that location.

Once Parker Poker was out of the trailer and cross-tied in the main barn, he looked more forlorn and out-of-place than ever. Always ready to absorb the fears of others and queen of the Don't Expect Much and You Won't Be Disappointed gang...I plunked down with my own forlorn look, a Coke and a long, knowing sigh.

Not my friend. Let's call her N. N dragged out her best box of grooming tools and went to work. Heavier equipment was needed for Parker's matted tail mud-caked hooves. N dug out shoeing tools, show day yarns, rubber bands, and oils. While N frittered away her time, energy, and equipment on the lost cause horse...I watched her through the dust, slightly bored, sipping my second Coke, and commenting on N's commitment... in that way that passes for a compliment, but is really a thinly veiled crack about the other person's judgment.

My remarks not having the intended effect of discouraging my busy friend, I finally stood and proclaimed, "I have no idea why you're going to all this trouble."

And N said, 'I can't say what will happen to this horse or if he'll ever win a prize. But I have learned that if you want a horse to be a show horse, you have to treat him like a showhorse first.'

"Oh..." the future psychologist said, brilliantly. Thinking...hmm...maybe N has something with this 'treat a horse like a show horse business'...Maybe N's theory has something to say about marriage? What would happen if I treated my special person like a show horse...not the oats and hoof clippers...but with the good faith?

"Anyway, no matter how this horse turns out...I know I'm having a happy afternoon," N said.

"Oh..." the therapist said. "Oh," she said again, thinking...Maybe I'll write about N and her showhorse theory someday.