People Who Love Too Much

There are perhaps more relationships in the world where one of the couple feels that they love the other more than they are loved.

'Need' For Love Versus 'Want' For Love

This is a natural phenomenon as there will always be differences between couples needs for love and wants for love. This means that some of us will seek out a relationship because we somehow feel that completes us while others seek out a relationship because they want to share who they are and what they have with another. One is more about me and my needs and the other is more about you and what we have to share with each other.

It may not be obvious but there is a very subtle difference between the two; need, in this context as we sometimes use the word more broadly, comes from a gap in our psyche that was created as a result of not getting all the love we should have gotten as a child, while wants come from a much more secure place which refers to the fact that while we yearn to be in a relationship with another human being we don't 'need' to be there to feel OK about ourselves.

This is the core of it. Often when people feel they are not loved or not loved enough it is because they have not been loved enough as a child and will seek what they believe at some unconscious level is really not attainable for them anyway. To explain this another way; it's a bit like 'what you see is what you get' or what you know and what is familiar to you is what you'll create more of.

So if I don't have a familiarity with having been loved, I don't really know what this feels like and therefore cannot feel it as an adult. On the contrary then if I have known love as a child then that is what is most familiar to me and I'll seek out and find that as an adult in my relationships.

Now you're probably thinking so does that mean everyone should love me? And what about those who obviously don't love me? Well I guess I'm talking about an ideal world here that would naturally suppose that if I'm truly OK with me then I'll be truly OK with you. My love then knows no bounds and neither does yours. The outcome then is a pure unconditional love of each other even if we don't always like what each other does.

We Live In The Real World

I know, I know - we live in the real world! So here's the only thing you have to do if you feel that you love him or her more than they love you. STOP focusing on them and bring the focus back on you. Know in your heart that you are OK: that you are absolutely lovable. Then treat yourself in the most loving way you can.

Be kind to yourself. Don't withdraw your love from the other but treat them with equal love respect as you would want to be treated, as you should be treated. Show them all the love you have but give yourself no less.

And if after all that you still don't feel their love then it might be time to do one of two things:

1. Say goodbye

2. Seek Therapy

I don't mean to say this unkindly. But if we're not feeling the love which we all deserve to have then there is either something not quite right with them or something not quite right with us.

About this Author

So until next time - Relate with Love
Lidy Seysener

About the Author

As a qualified Counselor, Lidy Seysener specializes in helping individuals and couples make the most of their lives and their relationships. She's been Counseling for more than twenty years and can also boast having been in an enduring relationship for as long.

For more information about me or what I do take a look at my newest website: http://www.acouplesjourney.com where you will find lots more information including quizzes and questionnaires. enter your details and you will get a free copy of my limited edition ebook titled 'Relationships - A Couples Journey'. Alternatively check out my blog page at: http://www.lidysblog.uwcblog.com and submit a question of your own that you would like me to answer or just post a comment on one of the existing entries.

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