After several months of using an internet dating service, I decided to read some books about online dating. They all suggested a series of rules to follow, most of which were intended to help women feel safe. Their rules often failed to deal with what people in their 50s and 60s could expect. So here are some alternative rules that I think fit senior citizens a lot better.

1. The guy usually initiates contact.

This is not so much a rule as a practical expectation. There have been times when the woman contacted me first, but she usually asked me not to tell anyone that she took the initiative. Most of the time, women seem to prefer having the man start off communications. I can't speak for all men, but I am comfortable with women initiating contact and there have been times when I was very glad they did.

2. Beware of false intimacy through online or telephone conversations.

Keep your e-mails or telephone calls to basic introductory information and avoid getting too personal until after you have met in person. There is a false sense of intimacy that can come with e-mail conversations and could lead you to get into very personal information too quickly. The time to share deeper and more personal matters is after two or more in-person meetings have gone well and you have a more direct impression of the other person. Before the face-to-face meeting you may share your private e-mail address and phone numbers.

3. Suggest a face-to-face meeting by the fourth e-mail.

Some women will want to continue e-mail for a few weeks and some will want to talk on the telephone before an in-person meeting. I usually agree to as many as two telephone conversations before a meeting. If they aren't comfortable meeting you for any reason, it is usually best to move on to others who are ready to meet face-to-face.

4. Meet for lunch or a drink in a convenient, well-lighted restaurant.

Some books suggest meeting for coffee but that has always struck me as the cheap skate's way of meeting people. Never meet in a dimly lighted bar where the noise level may be too high for conversation. Never meet in the evening when it's the first time. This helps the woman feel safer and the atmosphere is much better for conversation.

5. Swapping cell phone numbers is often a good idea.

This is especially helpful if you are meeting at a location not familiar to you. I usually make it clear that the phone should be used primarily if the other person is going to be late or has difficulty finding the right location.

6. Guys should be prepared to pay the check nearly all the time.

Sometimes women will offer to help pay. Less often they may insist on separate checks before the meal is ordered. Most of the time, however, women will assume the man is going to pick up the check unless other arrangements have been discussed.

7. After three dates, expect her to show some initiative.

Men will usually do the asking for the first two or three meetings, but it is fair to expect some show of initiative after three dates. My experience is that if a woman really wants to see you again, she will find a way to invite you for dessert or a glass of wine or even dinner. If she doesn't take some action to indicate she wants to continue seeing you, it is time to move on to someone else.

These rules worked for me as I dated nineteen women in a period of four months. Fortunately, I found someone worth waiting for and we then enjoyed a year-long relationship. I can't promise these rules will bring you similar results - but I am sure they will save you some wasted time and effort.