Normal Weird Dementia Stuff

Since people are so confused about dementia, I'm going to list things that may look odd but are the normal things of dementia.

1. Noun Loss:

It's normal for people with dementia to be unable to bring your name to mind. It doesn't mean they hate you. It means they have dementia, which is a physical deterioration of the brain, especially in the short-term memory storage areas.

This loss may extend to being unable to identify the cat as a cat, for example. Again, due to brain affliction, in some people the connection between noun and object may be loss. So, you could say, "Mom, could you put the light on?" and Mom may not know what the word "light" connects with. So she won't.

2. Calendar Loss:

I know you think you came into the world knowing the day, date, time and year, but you didn't. You learned that. In dementia people unlearn that.

They live in the year they think they're in. And that will be the year they emotionally need to be in. Probably in their childhood or youth. Maybe later.

3. Making Up Stories:

Doctors call this confabulation and sometimes judgmental family members call it telling lies. Me, I call it staying sane. You try living in a world where you can't recall yesterday or who these people are around you or your daily routine.

I see the stories people tell about what they did as setting a fence of sanity around themselves to reduce the stress of all that loss. I enjoy it. It's a survival mechanism.

The less a person has in their life, the more extravagant the stories they invent. In care facilities, old ladies will tell you they were married seven times and had 21 children, though they were married once and have one daughter who never visits.

4. Wandering:

You and I call this walking and we can do it any darn time we choose. Your Aunt Esther in the Memory Care facility is called a wanderer because there they don't even have a safely enclosed walking path.

Wandering is what people with dementia do to self-medicate their anxiety and stress. They may also be in search of the way out of the building. Or maybe it's a more metaphorical journey in search of time past.

Whichever applies, a wandered needs a walking program. Someone has to organize that for them. You know who that's likely to be, don't you?

5. Eating funny:

Now your Mom only wants to eat candy, ice-cream, cake and cookies. She needs a) supervision; b) to have digestive enzymes which will enable her food to send those vitally-needed sugars to the brain. P.S. None of those brain sugars are to be found in ice-cream or cookies -- wouldn't you just know it?

Mom doesn't want her green food to touch her yellow food. If you want her to eat -- and you do -- you'll just pay attention to what she wants.

Try small meals often. Make the food bright, small, interesting and tasty. Step up the flavor a lot because she is losing the ability to taste and smell food. Try smoothies, sweet fresh fruit with little chunks of cheese, things she can eat with her fingers. Not all food has to be eaten at the table -- and, by the way, do you sit down and eat with her? Because you should.

Sit together on the sofa and eat finger food while you watch Oprah.

Frena Gray-Davidson, Alzheimer's caregiver and author of five caregiving books, including her latest book "Alzheimer's 911: Hope, Help and Healing for Caregivers", available at http://www.amazon.com. Frena teaches care families and professionals to decode the language of dementia and achieve successful behavior interventions. Go to her website at [http://www.alzguide.com/] and sign up for her free monthly online newsletter for all involved in dementia care. Email her at frenagd@gmail.com.