Loving Someone With A (Dis)Ability

Relationships When There Is A Disability

An email I received through the last week was from someone who was asking about entering into a relationship with a person disabled, in this case, by childhood polio.

There are many relationships the world over where one or both parties to the couple have a disability of some sort. This could be physical, such as in the case of paralysis from childhood polio, intellectual, such as with someone with a learning disability, or emotional, such as with someone suffering depression or any one of a number of mental health issues.

Some would even argue that every person going into relationship takes with them their abilities as well as their disabilities. Some just may be more obvious.

None of these preclude the possibility of making a long term and successful relationship. The important thing here is really about whether you truly love each other and are willing to commit to the relationship.

Certainly there are the practicalities of having to manage any disability and in this regard there needs to be considerable discussion about how much of the care will fall into the hands of you, the partner of the disabled person, and how much will be passed on to professional carers so that you as a couple can get on with the tasks of being a couple.

And there is no doubt that going into a relationship with someone who has any kind of severe disability is going to be more difficult than when there is no disability, but there is also an abundance of rewards for those who enter into this kind of relationship and make a success of it.

My hunch is that firstly it takes a very special kind of person to be willing to give all that is required in managing a severe disability which certainly adds considerably to the stresses that are already existent in relationships. And of course it takes a special kind of person to be disabled and to be able to lift themselves above their own disability to be able to be in relationship with another person.

So my advice for anyone considering entering into this kind of relationship?

Firstly think long and hard as to whether you have the skills and the character to be able to manage being in this relationship long term. Also you will need to consider both of your capacity to manage children, if that is a consideration at all, and any impact the particular disability might have on any children born into that relationship particularly with conditions that might have an inherited factor. And by the way Polio is not one of them.

You will also have to consider managing any discrimination you might receive from friends and family, as well as from people on the street, who might wish to challenge your decision.

When you have come to a conscious decision of entering into that relationship do so then with your whole heart and soul. If you take whatever time you need to really get to that decision knowing clearly what you are getting into then there can be no regrets. On the other hand the rewards are great knowing that you have done something exceptional to assist in making the life of another human being the most magnificent it can be.

Mmmm - Maybe it's really no different from deciding to go into any relationship as maybe we all bring our abilities and disabilities into every one of them!!

About this Author

So until next time - Relate with Love

Lidy Seysener

About the Author

As a qualified Counselor, Lidy Seysener specializes in helping individuals and couples make the most of their lives and their relationships. She's been Counseling for more than twenty years and can also boast having been in an enduring relationship for as long.

For more information about me or what I do take a look at my newest website: http://www.acouplesjourney.com where you will find lots more information including quizzes and questionnaires. enter your details and you will get a free copy of my limited edition ebook titled 'Relationships - A Couples Journey'. Alternatively check out my blog page at: http://www.lidysblog.uwcblog.com and submit a question of your own that you would like me to answer or just post a comment on one of the existing entries.

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