The source of your income is not your marketing, your sales skills, your skills and capability.  The source of your income is the people you help.  If you think of those people in terms that are not helpful for them, if you think of your prospective client as an opportunity, a pay check, a way to develop your CV, you are not focussed on them and their needs.  And the second you disconnect from them and their needs, you disconnect from that person.  At whatever level that happens they will detect that disconnection and be affected by it in some way.  The effect may be as much as withdrawing from you and closing down the conversation immediately, or as little (if you are lucky), as checking with you and giving you the chance to get back with them.  Either way it's your responsibility from now on to stay connected to them (if you still can) or your next client or prospective client.

Here's an example of mistakes I have made...

I remember a time not so long ago when I got a phone call from a client that I had coached for a while, a few months before. The coaching had gone very well and had finished a few months earlier.  She called me again to enquire about another service that I offer.  At the time I was quiet on the work front and I was keen to work with her again. So my thoughts went immediately to the idea of earning fees from her.  Mistake number one.  I was focussed on my outcome, not hers.

Allowing this thought changed the way I spoke to her that day.  And therefore, even if she didn't seem to notice, it changed her experience of me.  It was not going to be the outcome I wanted...

As the conversation went on, she didn't notice my incongruence immediately.  She was telling me about herself since we had last worked together, where she was at now and how she was feeling.  In my mind I was deciding what was going to be the best for her, what we should do.  While I was listening to her, I was thinking about a new area of NLP I had been learning and experimenting with, and wondering if it would be suitable for this client.  Can you spot my mistake?  I wasn't giving her my full attention!  Worse, I was deciding already what to do, based on what I wanted to do!

As she was finishing up telling me where she was in herself at that point in time, she told me what she wanted to do with me.  And it wasn't what I was thinking about. I was jarred.  I had a mismatch with her.  And when I spoke, my mismatch was apparent in what I said and how I said it.  I said, "so you want to do that, do you?  That's great, I'd be happy to..." in a tone of voice that exposed my mismatch, and she heard it, loud and clear.

The rest is predictable.  She made some excuses about seeing when she would be free and calling me back, and closed off the conversation, politely, but quickly. Needless to say, she did not call back. A client engagement lost. An opportunity to help someone gone.  That wasn't what I was trying to achieve!

Focus on their Outcomes

Whenever the phone rings and it's a prospective client, think "what can I do for this person?"  I will listen to their needs and respond to what they are telling me they want."

If you go to business networking meetings, don't wonder what the person who is talking has to offer you, or what they can do to help you to develop your business, ask yourself what you can do to help them to develop their business.  Who do you know that you can connect them to?  What experiences have you had that would help them?

When you focus on other people, their needs and wants, their desired outcomes, you connect to them, and to a higher purpose.  When you are connected to the right intent, the right things happen, for your clients, and for you!