Marriage Intimacy Doesn't Happen by Itself

Many couples assume that the longer they're married, the closer they'll be to one another. They assume that marriage intimacy comes from knowing their partner well, and the better they know their partner, the more intimate they will be with one another. However, the truth is that being intimate with your partner requires you to be conscious of your actions and words - and it doesn't happen magically. The good news is that there are some simple tips that can greatly improve your marriage.

If you've looked for ways to improve your marriage, you've likely read plenty of articles encouraging you to communicate more openly with your partner. This is certainly good advice and can lead to being closer. Yet, many couples talk and talk their problems out, only to find that each conversation leads to each partner feeling even further away from one another. They find that the more they say, the more anger and resentment they feel toward one another.

Use an Economy of Words

Many couples assume that when it comes to communication, the more words the better. It's understandable to think that the more you tell your partner about what your issues are with your marriage, and the more you share with them about your hopes for the future, the better your communication is. In some instances though, the opposite can be true.

Two problems can arise when you share too much about your issues with the marriage. First, you'll say so much that it will be difficult for your partner to come away from the conversation with a clear idea of what they can do to fix the situation. For example, if you list off 10 problems you're having in rapid succession, your partner can feel so overwhelmed that they simply won't know where to start, or will feel that they're doing everything wrong and will be completely discouraged.

Keep It Simple

The other problem that can arise results from being so specific about a problem that your partner makes the adjustment in the wrong area. For example, if you wish your partner would pay more attention to you when you're in a group setting, and you use a particular party you went to as an example of when they weren't paying enough attention to you, their response will likely be to defend themselves in that particular situation, as opposed to realizing that it's an overall problem and not an isolated event.

To avoid these situations, next time you sit down and want to discuss ways to create more marriage intimacy keep your words brief. Before you start to discuss your problems, have a clear idea in your head of what you want to address. Then think of the best way you can explain the problem in terms that are as simple as possible. Be specific about what the problem is, but avoid giving an isolated example. This will lead to your partner having a better understanding of the actual issue, and will put them in a better position to be enthusiastic about finding ways to support you in creating the kind of marriage intimacy you want.