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The New testament gives the finest psychological counsel for healing quarrels ever written:
No more lying, then! Everyone must tell the truth to his fellow believer, because we are all members together in the body of Christ, If you become angry, do not let your anger lead you into sin, and do not stay angry all day. Don't give the Devil a chance. Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you (Ephesians 4:25-29).
Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much (James 5:16).
We can learn to tell the difference between righteous anger, and unrighteous anger. Righteous anger is directed against something that is wrong, that will hurt people; unrighteous anger is directed against people themselves and is harmful and hateful. It is an anger that rages out of control like a forest fire that cannot be stopped. It creates more problems and is destructive. Righteous anger is under the control of the Holy Spirit; unrighteous anger is under the direction of Satan.
Now, suppose we have made a mistake in the home and have lost our temper and said those bitter, hateful words, or done something cruel and violent. The wrong thing to do is to go and get drunk so we can forget about break-up of the home. We cannot really forget about it; and the problem will not go away even if we think we have forgotten about it. The right thing to do is to confess the fault to one another and to ask for forgiveness. Then the wrong itself can be erased, and it will indeed go away.. Love can be healed if there is humility and honesty. There is no other way that the wrong can be eliminated so it will not poison the home in the future. The root cause of our terrible home problems is pride, which is a form of stubbornness. We know we have done or said what is wrong, but there is this hard self-importance that refuses to humble the heart to confess between nations- 40% of the whole world's research and development goes into preparation for war, or about a million dollars a minute! This terrible hemorrhage of our resources comes from the same cause of most family break-ups: stubborn pride.
There may not be much you or I can do about healing the world's gaping wounds; but we can heal the wounds in our own homes. If the nations cannot at present get along together in peace, can't we at least in our homes live in peace and harmony? If we cannot overcome this stubborn pride of self in our own little home circle. we can present an offering to the Lord that will be pleasing to Heaven. Angels from Heaven will actually come to visit your home, and they will have an influence on your entire neighborhood, even your city and your nation. In this way, a few happy homes filled with Heaven's sunshine will be a light to an entire dark nation. One such happy home will be a demonstration that Christ's sacrifice on the cross was not in vain. Thus it will be an effective means of defeating Satan and will have widespread influence for good.
When Sodom and Gomorrah were about to be destroyed, the Lord promised Abraham that He would spare the wicked city if only ten righteous people could be found in it. But even Lot's one "righteous" family failed and the destruction had to come. If you live in modern "Sodom", let your home be filled with the love of God. The wicked who live all around you may not know now that they have been spared destruction because of you, but in the Judgment Day they will learn the truth.
To refuse to confess and ask forgiveness is to harden the heart against the pleading of the Holy Spirit:
Grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you (Ephesians 4:30-32).
There is the secret! Again, we learn that we don't have the inward capability of ourselves to be successful. Only as we appreciate how "God for Christ's sake hath forgiven" us, can we learn to be kind, tender hearted, forgiving one another in the home. So there again we are taken back to the cross of Christ. There again we see His love revealed. And there alone we find healing medicine for this destructive poison of our personal pride and stubbornness. If we can achieve this a sincere and remorse-driven "I am sorry, please forgive me" Can go a long way not only in the family but as well a whole nation.
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