We would all like to have one of those buddy-buddy relationships with our ex-spouse like we see on sitcoms on television but in reality most divorced couples do not act that way. Just because the divorce papers are signed does not mean the problems, anger and resentments that caused the divorce in the first place magically disappear. But if you share children you really have to see past these differences so you are able to communicate civilly about, and in the presence of, the children.

Your main objective is to communicate openly with your ex and also model civil behavior to your children.  Please read our suggested tips on how keep your conversations civil and focus on the topics at hand.

• Leave the past in the past. Bringing up old issues will accomplish nothing when you are trying to agree on concerns about the children. Set boundaries from the very beginning by asking your ex to agree not to bring up old problems while you are having discussions and you will do the same. This may be difficult, especially right after the divorce, but work hard at not re-hashing old issues.
• Set up a specific time each week or at least twice a month for you and your ex to discuss any concerns about the children. This can be a face-to-face meeting or through e-mail or on the phone. Speaking with each other on a regular basis will alleviate concerns and issues quickly instead of letting them simmer on the back burner.
• After you have set up a time to communicate be considerate and try show up at the set time. If you cannot make the meeting phone ahead so your ex is not waiting for you. This is true of the times you pick up the children too. Being there on time shows your ex that you value and respect their time
• Keep notes of the issues you wish to discuss so when you get together you can use your time effectively. This will also help to keep you focused on the subject at hand so you do not deviate and waste each other's time.
• Listen politely to your ex's ideas even if you do not agree. Interrupting or ignoring their ideas only leads to more fights and resentments. Show you are listening and at least making an effort at working cooperatively with your ex.
• Understand that your ex's relationship with the children is just as important as yours is and let your ex know that you appreciate their efforts. Children cope better with divorce when both parents stay involved and show a united front when it comes to parenting.
• If your ex just will not let go of the old issues and continually brings them up during conversations try to ignore it and keep focused on the task at hand. Fighting with your ex, especially in front of the children, will accomplish nothing. No one ever wins these battles and it only upsets the children. If you cannot steer your ex toward the topic of conversation then it is best to walk away and talk later. If you refuse to take the bait each time eventually your ex will give up and discuss the issues without fighting.
• Understand that your ex is also learning how to effectively co-parent with you and you are both working toward the same objective -- parenting your children as successfully as possible. Being empathetic to their concerns and needs may help you understand their side more thoroughly.

Working together and keeping each other informed will help to strengthen your positive relationship and show the children you are making an effort at communicating. Remember, you are doing this for the benefit of the children and there can be no better reason for communicating civilly than that.