Building self-confidence and assertiveness is probably a lot easier than you think.
When most people talk about wanting to be more confident, what they usually really mean is:
- How can I stand up to overly dominant people?
- How can I develop more control in situations that are important to me?
- How can I overcome my fear of taking up new opportunities?
The good news is that just by recognising that you are insecure about yourself in certain situations, you have taken the first step forwards.
A good starting point for working on those insecurities is to write them down on slips of paper. You may be feeling unworthy, inferior, ordinary...... whatever it is, get it out into the open and spend some time thinking about what's behind these feelings - even talk to trusted friends or family to get their views on how you feel. When you've done all the thinking or talking you want to do.....RIP those slips of paper into tiny pieces and throw them away!
Now it's time for some positive thinking. Focus on things you're good at, that until now you may not have given yourself credit for. They could be simple things like..... you bake a damn good cake, or you play mean guitar! Give yourself permission to take pride in these things. Give yourself credit for your successes. Also, take the time to look around you and to notice the good things you have in your life - Frequently at the root of insecurity and lack of confidence is a feeling of not having enough of something (e.g. money, luck etc). Acknowledging and appreciating what you have can begin to undo feelings of dissatisfaction and do wonders for your self-esteem.
You also need to think about the way you behave around others. Do you accept compliments graciously, or always roll your eyes and say "Yeah, right"? If you belittle yourself and give off signals that you feel inferior, others will do and believe likewise. Avoid self-pity, and instead make a conscious effort to speak positively about yourself and to accept compliments with a smile and a thankyou. Science even suggests that practising smiling in the mirror can help you to feel happier and more confident - Why not try it? At the very least it will help you to look happy and confident on the outside even when you're not feeling it on the inside...... and believe me, you will not be alone in "faking it" from time to time! Remember that no one is perfect. Even the most confident people have insecurities.
My final piece of advice is always to treat others in the way you'd like to be treated. When you know you're kind to the people around you, and are making a positive difference in other people's lives (even if it's just being kinder to the person who serves you coffee in the morning), your self-confidence will be boosted by knowing that you are a positive force in the world.
I wish you the confidence to reach for your dreams.
About this Author
Justine Swainson is a graduate of Oxford University, a certified professional coach, and an accredited trainer and facilitator. Her company, turningpoint coaching and training http://www.turningpointct.co.uk works with individuals and business who are ready to shine in their life or work, and specialises in using creativity as a means of expressing self, goals and dreams. Justine designs and delivers personal and business development workshops, as well as coaching on a 1:1 and group basis.
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