One of the most dangerous and insidious activities that can creep into a relationship is the habit of keeping score. When love is beginning to bloom, the object of affection can do no wrong. It is easy to overlook the little things that might otherwise be annoying. It is even easy to overlook the bigger things as well. But little by little, as you get to know each other, expectations, both spoken and unspoken begin to form.

Expectations come in all shapes and sizes but they are predominately behavioral or monetary, although it can be argued that these often overlap. Purely behavioral and simple expectations include things like daily phone calls, kind and loving words, expressions of appreciation. Take note if the woman in your life says something like, "You aren't as affectionate as you used to be," or "You didn't even notice my new dress." On the flip side, ladies, pay attention if your man suggests that you don't rub his neck as much as you used to.

On the monetary side, did you once upon a time exchange small gifts with one another, tokens of affection for no special occasion? Did you bring her flowers, take her to nice restaurants? Did you send him cards, cook dinner for him? These are the kinds of things that tend to taper off as the relationship progresses. Sadly, these are also the things that help keep love at the forefront. Once we begin to take each other for granted, the little gestures of love become fewer and farther between. And that's when the contest begins.

It's hard to say if men or women are the bigger scorekeepers. I believe it depends on the issue. Unfortunately, we live in a society that is rapidly developing a "what have you done for me lately?" mentality. Sadly, the world of love and relationship has not escaped that Ungolden Rule. Once the expectations have been established, we begin to keep track of every time they are not met. Worse yet, there is a tendency to only keep track of the negatives and not the positives.

When the list of "you don't"s or "you didn't"s grows disproportionately to the "honey that was so thoughtful"s, it might be time to take a step back. It may truly be that there is not enough good stuff to keep the relationship going. The more likely cause is that one of you is a negative scorekeeper.

Stay tuned for the next article: Keeping Score Part 2 - Balancing the Score Card.