Here's a thought - is there a strong motto for someone recovering from high fear of failure (a High-FF as I call them in my forthcoming book How Not to Fail)? The purpose of a motto is our need for a quick and readily-available verbal reminder of what we stand for - an instant check or benchmark for our views and behaviours. Given this, I think a motto a strong support for someone seeking to make progress in their lives despite their acute fear of failure.
Indeed, the nature of fear of failure - or atychiphobia to give it its proper name - strengthens the case for adopting a motto. High-FFs make incorrect instant evaluations of the external information they receive - often filtering out all information other than the elements likely to trigger their fears. As Daniel Goleman in his landmark 1994 book Emotional Intelligence explains, the fearful person's brain has been damaged by traumatic past experiences that have created a fearful "setpoint". They have developed a "fear pathway" reinforced by "neural hijackings", caused by an external event that reminds them of this past trauma.
Goleman gets even more technical here - stating that the triggered element of the brain sits between the thalamus, amygdala and prefrontal lobe, which is perhaps too much information - although it is worth stating that many psychologists, such as Dennis Charney in his paper Understanding PTSD, view such fear conditioning as no less than a mild form of post-traumatic stress disorder.
Basically, bad memories condition us to bad responses brought about by the fear lodged in our brain as a "setpoint". Of course, given the time and space to properly evaluate a particular situation most High-FFs (though not all) will develop a more rational conclusion - realising that the emotional or fearful response triggered by the external event has, perhaps, given them a false reading of the evidence. However, life takes place in real time, so High-FFs do not have the luxury of considered evaluations. It is the instant response we are judged upon, which makes quick evaluations or re-evaluations important.
High-FFs, therefore need something that may be able to counter or suffocate the neural hijacking quickly - allowing them a better second response than their potentially-flawed instant responses. And as an instantly recognisable and recallable phrase that sums up our desired responses, a motto could well do the job - acting as a blocking mechanism for bad instant responses caused by those horrible neural hijackings.
But this raises an obvious problem - what should we adopt as our motto? A key element of my book How Not to Fail focuses on the fact we must remember who we are. Critical to making progress in our lives is the recognition that we are who we are and that no miracle or instant cure exists - no matter what all those self-help books claim. The fears we have now we will take to our grave, which is the bad news. The good news is that we can still make significant progress - not by changing the unchangeable but by recognising our insecurities and frailties and by developing a self-awareness regarding them. Such self-awareness will help us understand what has happened to us and why we respond as we do when triggered (with fear-induced defensiveness, anger, depression, dependencies etc).
And our motto must also be aware of who we are, which means that something too aggressive is unlikely to be an effective counter to those neural hijackings triggered by fear. For instance, if my fear pathway is activated, a statement such as "who dares wins" - the famous motto of the UK's SAS - is unlikely to help. Fear has constrained my "daring" all my life - making me anything but a winner. Far from diverting the fear pathway, therefore, "who dares wins" could even reinforce it. My fear has been triggered, meaning my fear-conditioned response is in play, making me unlikely to dare. In these circumstances conjuring the phrase "who dares wins" is likely to leave me feeling even more like a loser.
So our motto has to fit our purpose - bolstering our confidence or countering our insecurities at key moments. A strong motto in this respect is the motto of the British monarch - Dieu et mon droit. A literal translation of this means "God and my right", which is a clear reference to the Queen's "divine right" to be the UK's monarch. This is not a bad motto to have as a ready prop when the doubts creep in - perhaps when opening parliament or addressing a large crowd on live TV. It says I am here by right - by divine right in fact. Having said this, such a motto was no doubt at the forefront of Charles I's mind as he stood trial for treason in 1649. In these circumstances a notion so arrogant and proud may have prevented him from mounting an effective defence - hence him being the only serving UK monarch to have been executed.
At least both the monarch's and the SAS's motto have meaning. In the modern era brands have also developed mottos (or straplines as many are now called) - sometimes at vast expense. Yet in many cases they should not have bothered. Nike's "Just do it" stands out as a particularly fatuous example (although it is well-remembered, which may be the point). I also liked the "Have a good time" of the 2009 Berlin World Athletics Championships for its utter meaninglessness, and how about "Total policing" from the Merseyside police? What were they previously - "Partial policing"?
But I risk straying off the point - a personal motto is there to underline positive behaviour, to provide a principled benchmark for our responses, to instantly declare what we stand for - inwardly as much as outwardly. Good mottos can do this. "Yes we can" Barack Obama's 2008 presidential campaign motto was incredibly effective (although newer UK parents such as myself had to grapple with the line generating instant images of Bob the Builder). It worked in banishing any doubts that Barack Obama - an African-American with a strange name and a far from "apple pie" back-story - or his followers may harbour regarding his suitability for the post, or in the radical changes promised in his manifesto. It was also brilliant in its clarity - a concise and easily-understood shield for deflecting the most likely criticism Obama would face (i.e. "no he can't").
So for a motto to be effective it needs to be tailored to our needs, fit our personality, be inspiring enough to generate a positive response and be realistic enough to not overstate our cause and reinforce our failings. It also has to act as an effective counter to our key weaknesses and fears, as well as a totem for our strengths and ambitions. That's a tall order - especially for the High-FF so easily deterred or de-motivated. Yet there is one example I liked the second I heard it because it seemed to so fit the needs of the High-FF.
A key need for the High-FF is to take small steps that become self-reinforcing with accumulated small victories over time. High-FFs should recognise that there is no miracle - eureka - moment, just a series of moves in the right direction that, noted and learnt, can slowly pull us towards our objectives. For every victory there is a set back - for every few steps forward a step or so back. But the key is to keep going. Hence my favourite motto being Winston Churchill's - adopted during his wilderness years when the British Establishment saw him as a troublesome outsider intent on stirring war. KBO he would say to himself - keep buggering on.
Whether a step forward or a step back KBO works, because it says progress is a process - a series of steps, some of which work, some don't. If they work: KBO to the next step. If they don't: KBO and try again. Whatever happens: KBO. Brilliant!
About this Author
Robert Kelsey is the author of How Not to Fail, to be published in 2011 (and previous author of Pursuit of Happiness - 2000).
About How Not to Fail:
"This personal witty and insightful book teaches us about the fears that drive failure and the self-awareness that can help us navigate it. The great point about this book is that it is both philosophical with regards the nature of fear and its impact on achievement, and practical. For those that may be paralysed by a fear of failure, it offers a way through," Luke Johnson, serial entrepreneur and Financial Times columnist.
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