Improving Mental Health Through Non Attachment

Non-Attachment
Non-attachment occurs when you are neither attached nor averse to specific outcomes from occurring in life. You are open to all possibilities. While you would prefer or like for certain outcomes to happen in life, you are non-attached to them. Events in life are not such as big deal. Whatever happens, you'll be able to deal with it. As they say "life moves on".

For example, a lot of people think of love or a good romantic relationship as attachment and without it love cannot exist. I disagree! Love can only really exist if you are truly non-attached to your partner. This will enable you to be open and loving towards the other person without expecting anything in return. "If you have a successful marriage then great, if it breaks down then that is ok as well, because nothing is forever in this world". Having this attitude allows you to respond to whatever events occur in life. No matter what!

It allows you to be fearless in your behaviour and ultimately to achieve more. I have no doubt that depression and anxiety stem from attachment to things and people in life. Overcome your attachment and you overcome your anxiety and depression. It is that simple. For some reason it is the letting go that is the hardest thing to do. We as humans love to grasp, cling to a situation because we think that we can control it. As we learn in the last chapter, this view is incorrect. So how do we learn to let go in life?

How Do You Go About This?
It is important to be aware of your attachment and aversion at all times. Naturally your mind will wonder. At one moment it may say "I really like this and want it to continue for forever". The next moment your mind may say that "I never want this thing to happen again." You need to classify these thoughts as being either attachment or aversion. You need to be aware of this principle at all waking moments in your life. In the final chapter, it will be explained in further detail about how you can implement this principle in your life, to overcome depression or anxiety. But for now, just say to yourself "let go!" and learn to classify your thoughts as being attachment or aversion or indifference when they arise.

Personal Experience
Applying this principle in my life has been great for me. I use to be really attached or averse to different things in my life. For example, when I really liked a girl, I wanted her to like me. Or if I was going out with someone, I never wanted it to end. Or when, I was at school I really wanted to be liked by my teachers and friends. None of this really mattered in the end. Why? Because I didn't have 100% control over the outcome and it was futile for me to try and control the outcome.

Non-attachment has freed me up immensely. Now I hold things in my open palm (remember the experiment that I got you to do with the coin) as opposed to grasping onto them. So does this mean that I don't get what I want in life? The complete opposite! Things work out really well. Sometimes, people through attachment and aversion, subconsciously self-sabotage what they really want in life. Remember Murphy's Law! I also believe in the Law of Attraction. "Things that you get in life are things that you focus on". So if you are going to focus on all the things that could go wrong, then these things are likely to occur in your life. It is a fine balancing act.

Depression and Anxiety
A lot of people are really scared of negative feelings and thoughts (e.g., depression, anxiety) and tend to be very averse to them. They will try everything to make them go away. Does this approach work for you? Why not practice non-attachment. I realise it is going to be hard for you to be completely non-attached to these negative thoughts and emotions, especially if you have been struggling with them for a while. Because you probably are sick and tired of them and want them to go away.

It is extremely powerful to remind yourself when you are either attached or averse to different events occurring in life. Say to yourself, "that's just attachment or that's just aversion." You'll be amazed at the power of doing this. I would say it is probably more important to remind yourself when you are being strongly attached to a certain experience (e.g., romantic relationship, friendship, career) that aversion. Reminding yourself of the attachment will keep you balanced. And when you do have the negative experience, you will realise that the aversion to that usually comes from attachment in the first place. And you will realise that the feeling is impermanent and will eventually pass anyway. By now you can really start to see how the principles in this e-book are intimately linked and connected.

All the principles are important but I think that attachment and aversion is especially relevant on a day-to-day basis. It is soo easy to become attached to things in life. I have to be mindful of this principle at all waking moments. When you wake up tomorrow, play around with this principle during the day and start classifying your thoughts and emotions and reactions to things as being either attachment or aversion and turn them into non-attachment if possible. Believe me, this will start to change your life.

Psychologist Brisbane
Counselling Brisbane