Thank you for calling Vericon Broadband. In order to help you better we have some options for you. If you are able to hear this message, there is nothing wrong with your line, so please hang up now.
1. If you are unable to hear this message please push #2
2. If you are dyslexic, please push anything.
3. If you are hard of hearing, Please SHOUT, CUSS AND PUSH #3
4. If you are a hearing helper dog then, please "Sit"
5. If you are visually impaired, push the big red button that says "Fast spin"
6. If you are calling to report a fault with your phone, how are you doing that?
7. If you are experiencing a slow broadband connection, it is likely it is a fibre related issue and we recommend you eat more of it.
8. Should you be having email issues? Yes you should, so stop whining!
9. If you believe that life is too short, press 000,000,000 to be taken back to the main menu.
10. If you are a member of our ethnic community - "We know where you live"
11. To hear this menu in Spanish press "hola"
12. If you are a "Pay as you call" customer, your call will be answered in 3 days!
13. If you are still following this menu, we know you are patient and over the next couple of hours we will check to see just how patient you are.
14. Vericon respects your privacy, but we can hear you picking your teeth Paul.
15. If you are determined to resolve this issue, please hold while we transfer you to our call centre in India. We will allow you you 3 minutes to feel you are getting somewhere, then disconnect you only to reconnect you with someone who speaks even worse English and wants to start all over again.
16. Have you been disconnected from our Indian call centre? Please enter the reference code you were given to be connected directly to our operator. You will be asked for this code over and over again during the course of the next couple of hours. Many of our customers like to have the reference code tattooed onto an easily reachable part of the body. Vericon can arrange this for you should you so desire.
17. Please hold to be connected directly to our dedicated reference number tattooists. They are also in India. Actually it might be quicker to pop into our Indian call centre while you are there. We operate a ticket system. For problems with your Vericon line it's ticket #1. Ticket #2 is for...
18. Thank you for calling Vericon. How can we help you today? For help press #1, for Alcohol press #2, for a really big hammer, press #3
Aiden Mackle has been writing articles on-line for over 4 years now. Often published in the UK press. He also runs a couple of small companies pilates classes Poway and pilates classes in Escondido.
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Aiden_Mackle
