Diamond Author
My husband and I have twin grandchildren (one boy, one girl) and have been raising them ever since their parents were killed in separate car crashes. Our daughter had named us as guardians in her will and, since our former son-in-law had no will, we became GRGs, grandparents raising grandchildren. When the twins moved in with us they were 15 1/2 years old.
Having teenagers in the house has been an adjustment. Days before my granddaughter was to leave for college she said, "I wish you could come to college with me. It would be nice to have you set the table and cook for me." You can understand why driving my granddaughter to college was an emotional experience.
I didn't cry that evening, but cried the next day when I set the table for dinner.
A week later we drove our grandson to a state university. Though I did not cry when I gave him a goodbye hug, I became teary-eyed on the way home. Fact is, the house is just too quiet. There is no sound of running feet, booming rock music (heavy on the bass), choir music practices, or noisy friends. In addition to missing these sounds, I miss seeing lights in their bedrooms at night and, I can't believe I'm saying this, I also miss teenage messes.
So I am feeling a bit down. Some would say I have empty nest syndrome; I think I'm homesick. It is not the kind of homesickness kids have when they go to camp, but a yearning for things to be the way they used to be, four of us living together as a family. Since my grandchildren have experienced so much emotional pain, protectiveness and worry are mixed in with my homesickness.
How am I coping? Staying in touch via email is one way and I've sent emails to both kids. I keep the emails short and update them on local news. Like all teens, my grandchildren are masters at texting, but this is not in my skill set, and I don't text on my cell phone. Still, the twins know I can call them if necessary.
Sending them food packages is also helping me to cope. During the first week of college I sent my granddaughter two parcels. One contained homemade brownies and the other contained chocolate cookies. Next week I'll send a package of goodies to my grandson.
Finally, I recall the happy times I've shared with the kids: a trip to Alaska, choir concerts, marching band concerts, gymnastics meets, proofreading homework when asked, and eating together at the kitchen table. I think of the times when my husband and I simply listened, or encouraged gently, or praised briefly. Our conversations with the twins emphasized family, family support, and words that nudged them towards the future.
I live in Southeastern Minnesota and the Mississippi River is only a half-hour drive away. Eagles live in the trees along the river and, like the eagles, the twins are ready to soar. I will see them do it and this is one of life's miracles. The dark grief is gone and a bright future awaits.
Copyright 2010 by Harriet Hodgson
About this Author
Harriet Hodgson has been an independent journalist for 30+ years. She is a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors, Association of Health Care Journalists, and Association for Death Education and Counseling. Her 24th book, "Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief," written with Lois Krahn, MD is available from Amazon.
Centering Corporation has published her 26th book, "Writing to Recover: The Journey from Loss and Grief to a New Life" and a companion journal with 100 writing jump-starts. Hodgson is a contributing writer for the Open to Hope Foundation website. Please visit her website and learn more about this busy author and grandmother.
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