Writing a "Get your ex back" letter is one of the most effective methods of starting the process of winning back your ex. But how do you go about it, and what exactly should you say?

Most likely you're in a highly emotional state over the breakup, and probably your ex is as well, so you have to be careful not to say or do anything that would make matters worse. So before you send a letter you should draw up a plan.

This should set out what possible responses you might receive from your letter and how you should react in order to make progress in your efforts to bring about a reconciliation. Consider what you should put in your letter, and how your ex is likely to react.

Draft your letter out on rough paper first, so you can make any revisions easily. When you have spent some time on this your letter will be polished and thoughtful, and will be easily seen as being so by your ex.

It is vital you send a hand written letter and not an email or text message. Even a typed or printed letter is going to look and sound too impersonal. It should be hand written on high quality paper. This gives your ex the message that you've put a lot of thought into what you're saying to them, and that they are held in high regard by you.

You should start with an apology for what happened in the breakup. It should be short - just one or two sentences - so the focus of the letter is on what follows. Even if you consider the breakup not to be your fault, you should still apologise - it may be seen differently by your ex - and even if it was really their fault and not yours, making an apology works wonders for having your letter work its magic.

The next paragraph should be an enquiry as to how they are getting on. Nothing too specific - just let them know you're anxious that they should be coping and on top of the situation as far as possible. Never plead with them to come back or say how you can't live without them. Weakness never attracts, but strength of character does.

Let them know that you appreciate they need a little space right now. Don't put them under pressure by making requests or demands for meeting with them for any reason. You could, however, mention that you would love the opportunity to see them for a short while, and that you can be found, for example, every Friday evening at around 8.00pm at a certain place, such as a restaurant, and that if they'd care to join you for a while you'd be delighted, and would arrange a taxi home for them afterwards.

Make it as easy as possible for your ex to say "yes". You know the individual circumstances of your split and how your ex is likely to take such a suggestion, so make use of that knowledge.

Your letter should end with telling your ex that you've found out some very interesting information - or it could be scandalous, or funny, or whatever - that you can't wait to tell them about, but not in this letter. Don't make this part up completely, but you may have to be creative here, perhaps by exaggerating some event involving mutual friends. Just make sure that when you actually do tell them it doesn't come as a damp squib.

Always attach a P. S. Make it something short, such as saying you saw a mutual acquaintance recently and they wanted to say hello.

There's no doubt that a hand written letter like this, on high quality paper, is an awesome tool to use in trying to save a relationship. You shouldn't expect immediate results, of course, but it will undoubtedly impress your ex with your sincerity in wanting them back and your desire to atone for any past wrongdoings. That being so, you should at least receive a reply, and you can take it from there.