Do you have either of these two types of reactions when divorce threatens your marriage? You either cave-in and become hopeless, or get needy and look for constant reassurance. If you have, think back to when you and your spouse were first dating and fell in love. Would you have been attracted to each other if you were moping around, moaning and groaning, or were insecure and whined for reassurance all the time? Doesn't it seem obvious that your partner would have been turned off and told you take a hike?

Now, if you could turn back the hands of time and restore your marriage to the passion and connection you had back then, what would your life be like right now? When you want to save your marriage and stop divorce the number one thing you need to do is change how you think about things. Let me explain.

When I felt my marriage was going down the drain I was the sulky one. I pulled away, pouted, and was overall irritable and a downer to be around. Needless to say this didn't do a thing for fixing my marriage problems! I desperately wanted my marriage to survive, but I acted paralyzed, like there was nothing I could do, like I was a victim of circumstances beyond my control.

But I was wrong. My marriage did survive and is stronger than it was anytime in the last 20 years. What changed? Just two things, really: First, I started to look at things differently, accepting my share of the blame for the state our marriage was in. Second, I began to listen and really hear what was being said. I didn't run away and hide, and I didn't always try to justify my behavior and get my point across first.

Ask yourself: Am I serious about wanting to save my marriage and stop divorce? If you are drop the cold shoulder, get rid of the desperation, and honestly admit your share in the responsibility for the condition of your relationship.

You know, you really can do this. My marriage was failing, and I thought there was no hope for us. But I can tell you that we are still together despite all the ups and downs, and we've saved our marriage. Yes, we have our moments when we get mad, but we move on, we laugh, we touch, and we enjoy being together. And so can you!