Are you in the midst of a difficult and painful marriage crisis? Are you frustrated and heartbroken over your partner's rejection? Has your partner dropped this emotional nuclear bomb on you; "I love you, but I'm not in love with you anymore?" Or, worse; I'm having an affair? Have you asked your partner to attend counseling only to be rebuked? Are fraught with anxiety and completely panic stricken because you don't know what to say or do to win your partner back?

If you're like most, you wake up one day to discover that your marriage is shattered. Most of the passion and romance has all but disappeared, and you feel more like roommates than lovers. Even though the crisis seemed to surface suddenly, in most cases it does not. A marriage crisis usually builds slowly over time with one person being blindsided by the event and the other claiming that they've tried to make the marriage work, but to no avail!

When faced with the prospects of divorce most people turn to marriage counseling, however, ninety percent of the time their partner refuses to participate. Subsequently, the majority of people turn to the mainstream approach of improving communication skills, or they attempt to apply a full court romantic love press. Well, I'm about to show you why both of those ideas are not only fundamentally amiss, but they will also send your marriage over the cliff faster that you can bat your eyelashes!

Let me ask you a question; when you and your partner first met did you have problems communicating? Of course you didn't! So, why would you believe that communication is the core issue? You see, a lack of communication is just the symptom of larger underlying issues. And, if you ignore what's underneath and focus on superficial surface behavior, you may as well sign the marriage settlement agreement because that's where your marriage is headed - anyway! At the end of the day, people don't want to communicate with someone that is needy, smothering, argumentative, critical or mistrusting!

If your partner has withdrawn and is proposing divorce, he doesn't want to be close to you. And, he certainly doesn't want to be romantic-either! So, applying the full court love press sends the wrong message - a completely disastrous one at that. In essence, you're telling your partner that you want him to be close, and that you don't really care what he wants. This also sends a message to your partner that you really don't understand how he feels!

You see, if you want to get your husband back you've got to get him to make that decision! And, that requires two things:

1. Taking ownership of your negative contributions to the relationship without attacking your partner. The best way to accomplish that is by drafting a statement of agreement.

2. You must be willing to change your behavior and harness the power of attraction

After you've drafted a statement of agreement, present it to your husband. Tell your husband that you agree, and that you understand he's been asking you for a change, and you haven't given it to him. Don't talk about what he's done wrong. If you talk about where he's wrong he'll become more wrong, and if you talk about where he's right he'll immediately become less wrong. You see, most people don't know that if you agree and sound sincere to the other person while refraining from defending yourself they will actually defend you! They will not only defend you, but in many cases will actually reverse their position. Don't be afraid to address your negative contributions to the relationship such as mistrust, control, criticism or neediness. When speaking to your partner, your demeanor should be one of confidence and humility. And at all costs, do not show desperation and do not fall to pieces. Not convinced? Give it a try for the next two weeks without telling your mate anything about what you're doing. You may be pleasantly surprised at the results!

Regards,

David Roppo
The Relationship Rehab Coach