How to Save a Marriage

There's only one marriage expert, the almighty God, who instituted this great human unit. Problems in marriage demands early marriage advice before these become critical. Marriage may be made in heaven, but be aware that maintenance is provided here on earth by imperfect humans. You may be crying deeply within and asking, what can I do to save my marriage? If you're serious, here are Five critical mistakes to avoid among many others. Let me say here that for over thirty-three years I've been married to the same woman, and in marriage counseling over thirty-five years, I've witnessed heart wrenching situations, but regardless there's hope in this institution.

At the height of our marriage problems and emotional rendezvous, we need affirmations from our spouses, not a spectator attitude. Here below are the Five critical areas.

1. Presumption
We don't appreciate people presuming upon our actions or decisions before there's any opportunity to explain. You and your spouse are two unique creatures, it makes no difference how much you love each other, to keep your marriage save avoid presumption. Never try to read each others mind or draw conclusions before expressing your feelings or observations. There are so much about marriage that people don't know before they tie knot. When they settle down in the marriage, the discovery of what marriage is all about sends shock waves in the home. I've witnessed couples rain down havoc on their marriage by presuming upon situations that were far from reality. What follows next are statements such as (a) why didn't you ask me first?, (b) how did you know that I was at such and such place?, (c) that's your own conclusion not mine and (d) I wish you would stop trying to read my mind every time we've misunderstanding. The Bible says, "He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him" Proverb 18:13.)KJV.

What I can say here is rather than presuming, pray over it, talk over it, then listen to each other with an open non critical heart.

2. Abuse
Unfortunately, being a christian does not excuse us from abusive tendencies. I've watched over fight by believers who lost control of their spirit to anger. Let me say it emphatically, the abusive spirit is not respectful of our name tag. If we drop our guards, we'll be surprised at the evil of the old nature. You talk about marriage, then you're dealing with a serious human challenge. Physical, verbal, and emotional abuses are terrible destructive behaviors that would not save your marriage. Divorce has become a big business because of our unwillingness to reconcile.

No person in their right mind comes into marriage to be beaten physically, cursed out verbally and abandoned emotionally. Yet we see, read, and experience this all the time. The simple fact is that abuse hurts, whatever the classifications and justifications are. It hurts those directly affected by it and others associated with those who took the heat. This is one of the ways to save your marriage, commit yourself to non abusive relationship and abide by it.

3. Rejection
As good as my marriage has been, there were times I felt rejection. Truthfully, I didn't handle it very well because of my negative reaction. I'm better now able to fight off this crippling emotion. Divorce looms on continued rejection in the marriage. Rejection has driven many from their marital homes into fictitious greener pastures that have become dungeons. It creates psychological alienation in the marriage and frozen emotions develop.

Two areas of acceptance you must come to terms with (a) God's acceptance and forgiveness and (b) The acceptance of yourself. With this in proper perspective,, maybe you can then endure spousal rejections and wholly trust the Lord to heal your marriage and avoid divorce.

4. It's my money
We fight cats and dogs when it comes to monetary issues. Marriage is no guarantee that you would not have problem here. The statistics of marriages that goes to divorce courts are staggering. This is a behemoth, there's something about money that gets our emotions flaring. Let me submit a good marital advice to you. Watch the tone of your voice, consider the circumstances and read the signs before you declare your right of ownership in monetary issues.

5. Sexual starvation
In my years in marriage counseling, it is appalling how couples live in sexual starvation under the same roof. I'm not talking about that caused by medical or handicap problems. So many people use this behavior as a weapon in their marriage. When you starve your marriage of intimacy, you're tampering with the divine link that bonds the marriage.

You'll drive your weak spouse into wrong unintended hands that will exacerbate the existing problems in the marriage. Sexual starvation should be a 'NO GO' area in your marriage. Whatever happens, save yourself and marriage from the rage of this tremor.

Watch out for future articles in this subject as we strive to save our marriage from the swords of divorce.

Dr. Ephraim John Udofia is the founder and Presiding Bishop of Living Faith Apostolic Ministries. International Mission-intensive ministry, both in foreign and home missions with currently over six churches in three countries. Dr. Udofia is the author of over seven life-changing books. He's passionately involved in church planting, crusades, conferences and ministers' training since the seventies. Dr. Udofia holds a Bsc. in Management, minor in accounting, an MBA, and Doctorate in Ministry (Dmin) with major in Missions. He is a former CEO of Precious Jewels Inc. for 19 years. Also a former banker and security representative holding both State and Federal licences. A financial counselor, motivational speaker, mentor, marriage counsellor and an outstanding dedicated family man. He is happily married with five grown children.

To buy one of Dr Ephraim's inspiring Christian Books, or Money Management Books visit the link ---> Life Christian Books