I often get emails from people who request my help in getting their significant other to admit to cheating. Either the person writing me has good reasons to suspect that cheating is happening, a friend or coworker has told them about the infidelity, or they think that they have some irrefutable proof as to the affair.

Still, even with all of these things, the accused loved one will usually sit right there and continue to tell you that you are only imagining things. People often ask me how someone can be so convincing with this and can look you right in the eye with a completely straight face and recount (once again) the lies that you both know are not true.

Often, you're unable to understand this because you are unable to put yourself in the cheater's shoes. Often, you're not the type of person who would be deceptive in this way so you just can not empathize with someone wanting to keep the whole farce going for as long as possible. And often, you just can't understand that the cheater has dug themselves into a very deep hole, so that, if they start telling the truth now, their whole house of cards is about to come crashing down onto the floor.

Obviously, they don't want this. If they did, they would not have gone to such great pains to cover this up and to keep this going. But, that doesn't mean that you just have to accept it. There are some strategies that I'm going to outline below that will hopefully help you with finally forcing them to tell the truth for once.

Document All Of Their Lies And Then Find A Way To Prove Them Wrong: I have to tell you right up front that this is going to require for you to follow up time and time again. See, most people will just try to argue or "wear down" their loved one. You know how this conversations goes. Basically, it's just back and forth. You tell them that you think they didn't really work late and they tell you that they did and that they're getting oh so tired of all of these accusations. You then respond that you're getting so tired of this too so why won't they just tell the truth for once?

When this doesn't work, you will often start to negotiate. You might say things like "If you just tell me the truth, we can work this out," or "please just have enough respect for me to stop lying." What you don't understand when you try to negotiate in this way, you're coming up against a scenario that they have already rectified in their own mind and have already rehearsed. In short, you're too late.

See, long ago, they might or might not have had some moral dilemma. They may have been at a cross roads as to whether or not they were going to go forward. However, you're pretty sure right now that the decision was made to go forward and cheat. And, if you are right, once that line was crossed, there was no going back. It's very unusual for someone to unmake this decision once it's been made. It's more likely that, from this point on, they will continue right on with this fallacy until you make it so they can not continue to do this.

So, what I would recommend is keeping careful track of everything they tell you. They say that they are working late tonight and you don't believe them? Well, don't just fall into the same pattern and argue back and forth until you walk away frustrated. Tell them "OK, that's fine. I'm busy too. I could really use the time to... (fill in your own blank.)" At this point, let this one go. You really want to disarm them so that they will think that you are losing interest and that you're no longer going to engage this way.

Now, the next time that they tell you one of the "truths" that you know are lies, resist the urge to engage once again. But this time, you are going to follow up. You are going to do whatever you need to do to see where they are really going or how they are lying. You can have someone else follow them so that you won't be caught. You can use GPS. Or, you can even start by checking their cell phone to see if there were any incriminating texts at that time.

Keep going on in this way. Check out their car, computer, phone, etc. so that you are making a list of every single lie that you have proven wrong. If you are lucky enough to find incriminating text, chats, and emails, print them out. You want to be able to methodically compare the lies with the evidence that points to the truth. Do not take their word for anything. Make sure that any repetitive calls are actually to who the log says. (Many cheaters will put something like "work" or "time and temperature" when really this is the other person's number.) Often, following this will eventually lead you right to the truth.

Make sure that you know the answer to any question that you might need to ask. You really can not depend on them. You don't want to take your evidence and then say "OK, who is she?" You know he will lie. You want to know who she is before you even present this. You can find this out by using reverse look up, public records or software.

When the time comes to confront them, be very cold and methodical. Hand them the log of the lies and then the documentation of the evidence. Tell them that you will no longer listen to lies and untruths. Tell that they you found out for yourself and will no accept their deceptions which you have now shown them that you can prove are not true.

At this point, just stop talking and look at them. It's unlikely that they will continue to lie because they can't. At this point, you'll likely get an admission and some defensive comments or pleas for forgiveness or they will just avoid the situation - at least for now - and act angry and injured because they know their deception has finally come to an end.