Do you need some advice about how to make him commit? Did you realize that there is such a thing as commitment phobia? Would you recognize the signs of commitment phobia? If you are having a hard time making him commit, see if you recognize any of these signs of commitment phobia.

What is it?

Commitment phobia is actually a specific form of anxiety disorder. It is defined in psychological terms as fear of and avoidance of being required to commit to anything, especially relationships. Now just because a man isn't ready to make a commitment doesn't mean that he has a disorder, but it is something to be aware of especially if you've been with a man for a very long time and he is unable to articulate why he can't commit.

What causes commitment phobia?

The reasons for commitment phobia are varied but usually result from some form of childhood
trauma. For instance, it could be because of feelings of abandonment caused by one or both parents.

Or it could also be a result of perceived abandonment as in the case of a parent who dies. This type of fear usually extends into adulthood subconsciously. In order to avoid rejection, an individual will create barriers to emotional connectedness. They may even reject someone first in order to avoid giving another person the chance to reject them.

What are the signs?

First, you will notice that a man with commitment phobia has trouble committing in other areas of his life, not just relationships.

Second, you may become aware that he has unrealistic expectations both of you and of the relationship. Because these expectations can never be met, commitment is very unlikely.

Third, he is unusually critical of others and of you in particular. This is a form of self-sabotage in which he purposely criticizes you in an effort to avoid getting close.

What should you do if you suspect that you are with a commitment phobic man?

First, recall if he's ever discussed his childhood with you. You may remember him telling you something that could give you a clue about what is causing his fear of commitment.

Second, tell him that you have noticed a pattern when it comes to making commitments and that you would like to try to better understand what is driving his fear of commitment.

Third, realize that you probably won't get very far without professional help. Phobias generally require therapy and systematic desensitization. At this point you have to consider whether you are willing to travel down this path with a man. It could liberate both of you and ultimately bring you into a committed relationship. But you can't force a man to take the necessary steps toward recovery.

You might feel some guilt about walking away since that could give credence to his fears of being abandoned. It's an emotional decision either way, and if you choose to stick it out, you will want to consider being involved in the therapy so that you can learn how to reinforce at home what is taking place in the therapeutic setting.