Discovering infidelity brings on a range of different emotions in people. Some people react with anger, some people are mostly hurt, and many people feel a mixture of feelings. The only thing everyone will have in common is that they will be upset. And even with that, there will be a range of how upset different people become. The emotional effects of infidelity are different in everyone.

The first thing

Verbalizing what exactly you are upset about can help. While men who cheat might say "it was only sex", it wasn't only the physical relationship. There was lying, misdirection, and deceit as well. In general, there was a betrayal of trust. Making certain the other person is aware of this can help.

It's not your fault

Even if you were distant, even if you nagged, even if you (fill in blank here), an affair that your partner had is not your fault. If they had a problem with the relationship, they, as an adult, had a responsibility to help fix it.

How to move on

The emotional effects of infidelity can take time to overcome. Resolving the situation and getting closure can help, as can talking to a counselor or a trusted friend. What you mostly need is time. Hopefully you can distract yourself with more pleasant situations and go back to being healthy and able to trust again.

Try not to continually bring up the affair in context of other things. For example, don't turn an argument about laundry into a fight about the affair. If you're still upset about the affair, say it. Explain that you are still feeling betrayed. That way they know what is going on and can support you.