Often, when people email me to ask how they can get their spouse to admit that they are cheating, they are quite resistant to the technological methods which I know for a fact work.  The thing is, most people want for their spouse or significant other to care about them enough to tell them the truth to their face.  They want to be able to convince or trick or guilt their loved one into breaking down and confessing everything.  (I personally believe that many people want this because they perceive that getting this confession voluntarily means that the loved one is sorry and that the relationship can potentially be saved.) 

The truth is, it can be really hard, if not impossible, to get an admission out of someone who is not willing to give you one.  But, that doesn't mean that it's impossible.  In the following article, I will tell you some strategies that you can try to get them to admit the affair.

Getting Your Spouse To Understand That What You Don't Know DOES Hurt You: Often, people will try to justify the cheating to themselves by believing that you really don't need to be hurt.  They think that because you are never going to know or find out, they can just work out whatever is causing them to throw all good sense to the wind and act this way.

It's important to make them realize that, even if they hope that you don't know and aren't hurt, you do know and you in fact are wounded.  The hope is that he'll see that his plan was not working out as he hoped, and that he can no longer pretend that you are unaware and in the dark.  It's important to help him draw the correlation that his lying to you is just as hurtful to you as the affair itself.  So long as he continues to lie, he continues to hurt you.

But, here's what he's thinking. In his mind he's saying "well, if she's hurt right now, just at the thought of the cheating, imagine how much more she is going to be hurt when she knows for sure that I've been having an affair."  It's important that you make him see that this is not your reality.  You're already hurt and grieving because you are expecting the worst, you know that you are being lied to, and that the person who is supposed to love you doesn't respect you enough to level with you.  There's very little that is worse than this.

Getting Your Spouse To Understand That You Would Tell Him About The Affair If The Roles Were Reversed:  You really do need to get your spouse to be able to put themselves in your shoes.  This will hopefully bring some empathy their way and nudge them toward doing what is right. Try sitting him down and telling him very calmly that what he is saying just does not make sense to you.  Tell him that he needs to explain it in more detail because you are just not buying it. (You can make an actual list of everything that doesn't add up and demand an explanation.)  If he becomes impatient, tell him to put himself in your shoes. Imagine if he were afraid that you were having an affair but that every time he tried to ask you about it, you would become impatient, lie, and turn it back around onto him.  Would he like this? Would it make him believe you anymore? Of course it wouldn't.

Your goal here is to try to get him to put himself in your place.  You want for him to be able to imagine himself as doubtful, confused and frustrated.  If you can get him to do these things and to feel some genuine guilt and apathy, then you will have a better chance that he will finally admit the affair.

Telling Your Spouse That You Don't Believe Him, And That, No Matter What He Says, You Are Going To Believe He's Having An Affair Until He Starts Talking:  Sometimes, you will just get to a point where you've had enough and you come to realize that there is no reasoning with him.  At this point, your last stand is just to tell him that you're through with listening to all of this.  Tell him that since he won't tell you the truth, you have no choice but to come up with your own version of it.  You have to assume that he is cheating because you were a bad wife or girlfriend, did not make him happy, and / or that he found someone better.

Sometimes, this will prompt him to see that things are already as bad as it's going to get.  You are already reacting as if he did cheat, so what does he have to gain from continuing to lie? And sometimes, he will want to reassure that that the affair had nothing to do with you.

Hopefully, one of these tactics will work. If not, you can turn to technology and a little spying to prove to yourself what you might already know.  But, I do understand hoping that there is still enough decency in him to tell you the truth about the affair.