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Ego
A lot of people think of ego as being present whenever you are really high. For example, someone may praise you and you may think that you are king of the world. Ego can happen when you are low as well. For example, someone may criticise you, you take in personally and your self-confidence deflates as a result.
We need to change the way that we think about ego. All that ego is, is a failure to see things for what they truly are. Western society is all about being humble, although a lot of people aren't. Let's have strong self-esteem as well. What's the point of being humble but lacking in self-confidence? Real confidence occurs when the ego is left to the side and you understand your mind and see things for what they truly are. In fact in a lot of eastern societies, low self-esteem doesn't exist. They don't understand how someone can't love themselves or have low self-confidence.
Other Examples in Life
Let's take romantic relationships. The ultimate form of pain and suffering is when someone rejects you. For example, when they choose to break-up with you or decide that they don't want to go out with you in the first place. These are events in life that we take personally.
Let's now look into the idea of someone breaking up with you. You may even want to reflect on events that have happened in your past? Lets look at these events for what they truly are. Some reasons may include:
• Don't find you physically attractive
• Personal hygiene
• Work too hard
• Don't earn enough money
• Personal issues that the other person needs to work out
• Not good in bed
• Don't have sex enough
• Have sex too much
• Not rich enough
• Don't like your family
• Don't like your friends
• Don't like your personality
Some of these reasons may appear to be very harsh. But none of these reasons are actually you. With some of the reasons you actually have no control over. For example, physical attractiveness. Others are merely your behaviour (e.g., personal hygiene). But none of them are actually you. So why take it to heart?
And what happens (usually) when someone breaks up with you? You want to know why! The conversation is very dangerous for you. You probably already know why and know what you need to change for your next relationship. Besides, the other person is not going to be honest with you anyway. Try and see things for what they truly are.
Being There For Yourself
This process is really about being there for yourself. We often worry about not being loved or liked by others. Guess what? You don't need to be. You just need to be there for yourself. And you'll find that if you're able to be loving towards yourself, then other people will be kind and supportive towards you in return.
Take any negative event to happen to you in your life that has made you anxious or depressed. If you can see things for what they truly are and recognise who you really are, then this is enough. You don't need to talk with friends and family or bitch and moan to other people. Why? Because you will be there for yourself. When responding, you won't even have to ask for others opinions or advice, you'll trust in yourself to handle the situation. You can process any negative event to happen in life (e.g., criticism) through using this process. Try saying to yourself "Its not me!" when someone criticises you. This can be an extremely powerful thing to do.
Personal Note
This strategy has been very successful for me in dealing with negative emotions and events in life. All that I say to myself is that "it isn't me" whenever someone criticises me. For example, my girlfriend broke up with me recently, who I loved and cared for very much. Did I need to analyse the situation? No. Did I need to know every reason for why she chose to do this? No. I was able to see things for what they truly were and move on. Whenever people criticise me, for example at home - I don't take it personally and see the comment as criticising my behaviour and not me personally.
Make no mistake about it. Through fully realising this principle, you will become liberated. That is my promise to you. In the final chapter I will give you a lot more specific instructions of how you can implement this principle in your life. So right now, just relax and let it settle in your mind, your true mind.
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