How To Overcome Attachment And Aversion

The major problem in this world is hope and fear. The Buddhists call it attachment and aversion. "Life is like a roller coaster" with plenty of ups and downs in it. If you look at any successful person in this world, they have learnt to ride the ups and downs of life. We are told to do this from a very young age. But very few people are actually taught how (to ride the roller coaster of life). This is what this chapter is all about. How to ride it!

"Things are neither good nor bad but thinking makes it so."

Sorry if I'm using a lot of cliché lines in this chapter but I find that it helps to explain concepts. Okay let's look at your life for a second.

Attachment
Oftentimes we become attached to things that we "like" in life. Things that you want to happen or continue happening in life or in the future. For example, you may become attached to:

• Your marriage or romantic relationship
• Your relationship with your children
• Your car
• Your house
• Sex
• Physical body
• Being liked by others

With attachment, you are happy when you get what you want and sad, depressed lonely when these things are taken away from you. This is a major problem, if things don't always work out the way that you expect them to or if situations or circumstances change.

Think about your life. What are the things that you become attached to? You will probably find that attachment happens every day in your life. It is only natural to want your life to turn out in a certain way. This occurs with smaller, everyday tasks and for big life events as well. How do you respond? Probably through "hope and fear". Hoping that life works out in a certain way and fearing what may happen if it doesn't.

So we need to have a more flexible approach to life, we need to reach the stage of non-attachment. Before we talk about non-attachment, lets talk about the opposite of attachment and that is aversion.

Aversion
Aversion occurs when you are averse to certain things happening in life. You really hope that it doesn't or won't happen. For example, you may be averse to:

• Divorce
• Losing you house
• Your child dying
• Having a serious accident
• Losing your mobile phone
• Losing your job
• People not liking you

Aversion really is as problematic as attachment. Why? Because you can't be 100% sure of these things not-happening in life. On the other hand, attachment is a problem because you can't be 100% sure of the event actually happening. There are very few things in this world that are 100% constant. This is what he spoke about in the last chapter (impermanence). Birth and death are about the only constants in this world, maybe taxes.

Have you ever really not wanted something to happen? And in your mind you probably really focused on this negative event. Did doing this make it any less likely to happen? It is like Murphy's Law - "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."

Let's do a quick experiment. I'm wanting you to pick up a coin. I would like you to grab it as tightly as possible with your hand. Now, I would like you to hold it in the palm of your hand without grasping. Is the coin still there? Of course it is. Attachment and aversion is a bit like this (the grasping). Why not live life through the second method (holding the coin in your open palm) as opposed to grasping onto it?

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