An addict's life pretty sad. Their minds are constantly cluttered with how to satisfy their needs for what they are addicted to, that they don't have too much time to enjoy life.
However, not only do they suffer with a horrible life but so do the people who are close to them, especially their spouse and children. They don't know what to expect from them so they live in fear, alone, and confused. Divorce, though, isn't always an option for numerous reasons; you don't have the finances to go through with it, you feel it's better to stay with the devil you know than to look for something new, or you just don't have the emotional strength to go through with it. When there are children involved, divorce is even more difficult.
In this article you will read 5 ways children of addicts suffer and what you should do to help your children grow up to be happy and content with life despite living with a parent who is an addict.
1. Self-blame. When parents do things a child knows is wrong they blame themselves for their parents behavior. They feel that they are causing their parent to spend hours and hours on-line or getting drunk. No matter how many times you show them that it has nothing to do with them, they cannot emotionally accept this and they continue to blame themselves.
2. Shame. It is very hard to fool children into thinking that everything is normal in your house. They sense when things are wrong and are embarrassed of it. This causes that they won't invite any friends over and they will not be able to make close friendships because of it.
3. Confusion. They can't make out what is happening. On the one hand their parent cares for them and helps them and all of a sudden they yell, swear, and throw things. They live in constant confusion (and fear).
4. Anger. When they read about or see other people's more structured families they get mad at their parent for not making such a family for them. On top of this they are mad at the whole world for not stepping in to help them have a nice family..
5. Health and School Problems. It is almost impossible for children who are angry at the world, embarrassed of their parents behavior, and confused to be healthy and successful in school. Their immune system and brain is so taxed with just surviving that they just can't concentrate and fight off viruses and other sicknesses.
Knowing the problems that your child faces is obviously not enough. The important thing is to know how you can help your child cope.
In my experience, it is not enough for one parents shows constant love and support to solve the problem. The problems are too intense for that.
I strongly feel that you have to send your child to a local support group led by a competent social worker or psychologist to mingle with other children going trough the same problems. The members of the group help each other make sense out of a confusing world.
It might be uncomfortable for you to discuss the problems with others, but isn't your child's safety and success worth the embarrassment and discomfort?
Shevach Pepper helps parents deal with challenging family situations. If the ideas in this article make sense to you and you feel that you would benefit from more suggestions and advice then go to www.repairyourmarriagecenter.com [http://www.repairyourmarriagecenter.com] and get the tools that you need to have a better marriage.
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